Quote :

"Single again, if there are any women out there looking for a respectable guy that will treat them like a queen, let me know. All I ask for in return is a little affection and the respect back that I give. Thank You."

5/6/2011 11:47:09 AM

so basically he wants anal and a sandwich?

5/6/2011 1:20:39 PM

Lol

5/6/2011 1:25:28 PM

Quote :

"yesterday while running i found a gay porno mag on the sidewalk. on the cover there was a shirtless bald man with a pot belly and crooked teeth. i thought to myself ''how did he make the cover?'' on page 72 i found the answer. lets just say that god blessed him in the genital region with not only length but girth as well. the handsome guy he was with in the picture looked frightened. by the way im not gay "

~

5/7/2011 12:20:05 PM

Quote :

"I'm tired of people doubting me. I'm just biting my time for the chance to prove myself."

5/12/2011 11:06:39 AM

Quote :

"So...after a long, hard year...and lots of prayers...Chris had his EOGs today...65% passed! After all that he has had to deal with this year....and the hard time that some people felt like they had to give him...such sweet confirmation that so many of his students did well. This is several points higher than last year too! I am so proud of him! Chris perservered and kept his head up paid off! Good job Honey!"

This is for an 8th grade science class and only 65% passed. This is depressing.

5/17/2011 4:38:16 PM

gg Chris

5/17/2011 4:41:12 PM

^^yuck! must be a rough school

5/17/2011 5:58:25 PM

^4 ahahahah biting my time

i don't know why but that made me lol

5/17/2011 6:20:32 PM

Quote :

"A child said to his Mom "Mommy, I colored your sheets with lipstick" In anger she started to hit her child until he was unconscious. Then, she regretted what she had done, and crying said to her child, "Please open your eyes",But it was too late,his tiny heart had stopped beating. When she walked into her bedroom,The sheet said "I LOVE YOU MOMMY" Copy and paste this for 1 hour if you're against child abuse!"

5/18/2011 2:51:42 PM

[Edited on May 18, 2011 at 2:56 PM. Reason : I just dont have words]

5/18/2011 2:55:19 PM

I didnt realize people were for child abuse. I always thought it was easily assumed I was against it without forwarding stupid shit.

5/18/2011 3:22:15 PM

did EOG tests in middle school even matter at all? feel like I got 98-99s on all of them because they were ridiculously easy.

5/18/2011 3:27:36 PM

Quote :

"We all have at least 60 friends on facebook; but when it comes to needing someone to talk to, how many will actually be there for you? I can guarantee you, not even 15 of your facebook friends will like this status (or even respond). If you would be there for me, set this as your status & see how many of us will be there for you! (I just did it for one of my friends) prove me wrong friend"

5/18/2011 3:29:25 PM

Slightly old, but whatever:

Quote :

"http://www.wral.com/specialreports/nancycooper/story/9553909/ The justice system did good. i hope he rots in jail. horrible horrible man."

5/18/2011 4:41:39 PM

Quote :

"Sex is so over rated u Dont need it to be happy or to have fun life is full of wonderful things that Dont include sex"

a few comments later ...

Quote :

"No sister personally i think it was one of the worst things that god invented sometimes just sayin"

5/18/2011 10:38:52 PM

sounds like someone hasn't gotten laid in a long time.

5/18/2011 10:39:50 PM

Sounds like someone is a fattie

5/18/2011 10:48:42 PM

^^^What really bothers me is that she capitalizes Don't.

5/18/2011 10:52:38 PM

Quote :

"J***** ***** ?25 more days ): J***** ***** of school M**** ***** Are you sad about school being over soon? J***** ***** no M**** ***** I didn't think so! Love ya! "

I love this lady and used to babysit for her... but what kills me about this status is that "J" is her son, and she is "M"



J is like 6. Pretty sure he's not controlling this Facebook account.

5/18/2011 10:58:10 PM

I actually like this one.

Quote :

"Copy this and put it in your status if you know someone or have heard of someone who knows someone. If you don't know anyone or even if you've just heard of someone who doesn't know anyone then do still copy this. It's important to spread the message... Oh, and the hearts! ?????? don't forget the hearts! ??????"

5/19/2011 3:47:55 PM

Quote :

"Hacked You baby haha just wanted to say you dont know how lucky i am to be with a girl as perfect as you are love you baby may 18 2011? 9 hours ago · Like · "

5/26/2011 7:37:58 AM

Quote :

"Just pulled by Paul Blart the Mallcop...I guess its my turn to pay Bev Purdue's salary...happy Thursday!!"

5/26/2011 8:16:10 AM

Quote :

"Please help my sister fight 2 large environmental groups that plan to ruin the S. Saluda river in Cleveland SC to accomplish their socialist agenda. Go to http://www.trtribune.com and vote NO on their poll. Details are available @ http://www.saludariverroots.com for pictures of previous projects that have failed or Google rock vane failures."

[Edited on May 27, 2011 at 4:38 PM. Reason : whoops]

5/27/2011 4:36:53 PM

Quote :

""It's like a crime scene in my pants...""

Ha, I know it's a quote and all, but Jesus

5/29/2011 9:21:06 PM

Quote :

"This shit is crazy out here niggaz are crabs!!! like this is the deadliest catch lol..."

6/11/2011 12:37:58 PM

This isn't an update and I don't feel like finding the relevant thread, but, come on...

6/15/2011 5:53:29 PM

Quote :

"Living in a fish island approaches the end reel."

He's been quoting Rush lyrics correctly all week for his status, but mangled Limelight.

6/16/2011 8:02:35 PM

Nope.

6/19/2011 3:43:05 PM

This might actually deserve it's own thread (maybe already has one, I didn't see it) but check out this guy. He was in a standoff with police for several hours and was posting updates on facebook including pictures of him and his "hostage". Unfortunately he wasn't killed by police at the end of it all.

Quote :

"I'm currently in a stand off wit these shady azz niggaz from old, kinda ugly but ready for whatever, I love u guyz and if I don't make it out of here alive that I'm in a better place and u were all great friends...."

6/23/2011 9:26:47 PM

why is everyone on his wall like "we miss you nigga"

he didn't get killed? where is he? in jail now?

6/23/2011 9:31:22 PM

He shot himself in the chest and is in critical condition, but is expected to live. I guess those dumbasses are just offering their support. Should've ate the bullet instead.

6/23/2011 9:33:56 PM

i feel like this was a failure in darwinism

6/23/2011 9:34:34 PM

Quote :

"Now I know how cleveland felt. Thanks for nothing Russell Wilson!"

6/27/2011 3:13:26 PM

Quote :

"sometimes you just have to chuck it up as a lesson learned and move on"

i assume she meant *chalk* it up lol.

6/27/2011 3:19:32 PM

Quote :

"#DearHaters your N O W H E R E because of nothing, I'm S O M E W H E R E because of you! THANKS #KeepItUp"

6/27/2011 4:29:11 PM

Quote :

"your"

HATE

6/27/2011 4:29:50 PM

meh, that doesn't bother me nearly as much as the fact that this dude -- my little cousin -- forwards all his Twitter updates to Facebook and easily posts 20 or 30 times a day.

6/27/2011 4:49:24 PM

MONDAY IS UNFRIEND DAY.

6/27/2011 4:51:18 PM

6/28/2011 6:34:47 PM

Jesus tittyfucking christ

Quote :

"I'm a straight Christian, and I support my gay friends' wishes for equal rights. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

~90 comments ensue. I know I come from a small town, which tends to harbor small minds, but the comments truly scare me.

Quote :

"f that's the case (Ye without sin cast the first stone) then no Christian can make a stand for anything because we are ALL sinful. Where do we as Christians draw the line? What do we stand for?"

Quote :

"Should we say nothing about murder, adultery, stealing....the list is endless. Why is it that we can't say anything against homosexuality when it is clearly against God's will and design."

Quote :

"The Bible tells us that homosexuality is an abomination to God. I do not believe that God would approve of a Christian pastor performing a same sex wedding and if it happened in a church I was a member of I would leave it immediately."

Quote :

"However, sin is sin - regardless if it is stealing a piece of gum, murder, homosexuality - God wrote the rules, not me. Sin is sin"

Quote :

"It will come down to it that a Christian pastor can not turn down a wedding ceremony due to gender of the participants. It will happen."

Quote :

"No, it isn't for us to judge. It is for God to judge and He already has. It is mankind that chooses to ignore His commandments. Reference: You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. Lev. 18:22 As a Christian, the Word of God is my guideline. I CANNOT stand for what God has said is wrong. Otherwise, I could not call myself a Christain."

Quote :

"They can call their living together whatever they want to call it but it is not a marriage..............."

Quote :

"Why would a pastor sexually abuse a child of God???? This is the worst someone can do!!! This is the ultimate sin!! God loves everyone! Your dog humps another male dog! If we are faithful then why do you think we are not worthy!"

Quote :

"Hippocrates!!!!!!!! I LOve my Jesus and I am a sinner but you people need to relaize you are sinners!"

Quote :

"Only the ones that have accepted Jesus as their "Lord and Savior" are children of God. If they have not done that then they are children of Satan. Born belonging to Satan."

Quote :

"God loves his children!!!! wE...EVERYONE OF US ARE SINNERS... he forgives us all if we try.............If you commit a sin against one of his children your done......I AM A SINNER!!!! I SAID THE SINNER PRAYER!!! I AM NOT A HIPPOCRATE BECAUSE I CAN WORSHIP GOD UNDER MY TREE IN THE FIELD. YOU ....IF YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN... DO NOT CRITISIZE ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Quote :

"I LOVE MY NEPHEW WITH ALL MY HEART AND AC TUALLY HE WAS FROM MY MARRIAGE AND I AM DIVORCED BUT WE STILL LOVE EACH OTHER!!!!"

Quote :

"Alittle bit of contradiction in terms there. Some Pedophiles consider it an "alternate" lifestyle. Are we going to support them as well? I have known troubled people of all kinds in my travels and have really cared for many of "them".... not there lifestyle choice. When a thing transcends the laws of God and nature you have to wonder if it deserves supporting."

6/28/2011 10:20:16 PM

6/28/2011 10:25:36 PM

holy Shit I want friends like that, I should be less picky about who I friend on Facebook

6/28/2011 10:25:39 PM

Quote :

""Hippocrates!!!!!!!! I LOve my Jesus and I am a sinner but you people need to relaize you are sinners!""

This is my favorite. Hippocrates!

6/28/2011 10:30:55 PM

lol I know

also made me think of "so-crates"

6/28/2011 10:32:36 PM

holy fucking shit at that chain

and hippocrates had me fucking about to shit myself

6/28/2011 10:33:56 PM

I'm seriously tempted to post a similar status to see what sort of entertainment I can dig up

6/28/2011 10:35:16 PM

the baby status updates creep me out in a big way

babies are cute and all but i think its a little weird to be posting intimate things about them when they have no control over it, and a lot of those things are supposed to be private amirite? it makes that time spent with your kid a little cheaper when its written up on facebook

[Edited on June 28, 2011 at 10:36 PM. Reason : *clarification]

6/28/2011 10:35:19 PM

ahahahahahahah hippocrates

6/28/2011 10:36:26 PM

I hate any status about someone's children.

6/28/2011 10:36:37 PM