"It's a black day for baseball"

6/30/2012 11:31:22 PM

"Greetings, friend. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now. So use it. And send one dollar to Happy Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't delay! Eternal happiness is just a dollar away."

7/1/2012 12:31:34 AM

"White guys have names like Lenny, whereas black guys have names like Carl."

7/1/2012 9:24:00 AM

Homer "A woman is a lot like a refridgerator, they're about 6 feet tall and 300 pounds"

7/1/2012 9:26:23 AM

Whitey Ford vs Pretzels

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-lu816sfkc

7/1/2012 10:47:00 AM

"We're all bursting with pride after our girls basketball team beat Shelbyville 2-0 in triple overtime"
- Principal Skinner at Pep Rally

[Edited on July 1, 2012 at 11:06 AM. Reason : .]

7/1/2012 11:05:11 AM

i would just like to say that youtube videos are not quotes.

[Edited on July 1, 2012 at 11:46 AM. Reason : a little late for lenny ]

7/1/2012 11:44:45 AM

Bart "we were just discussing the father son river rafting trip"

Homer "heh heh you dont have a son"

7/2/2012 8:33:43 AM

"MY GEODE MUST BE ACKNOWLEDGED"

----------------------------------------

"lunchlady doris, have you got any grease?"
"yes, yes we do"
"THEN GREASE ME UP WOMAN"
"okey dokey"

7/2/2012 8:33:06 PM

Lisa "Are you sure it's safe?"

Kearney "Well it aint gettin any safer"

7/7/2012 2:15:34 PM

Chalmers: GOOD LORD! WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE???
Skinner: Aurora borealis.
C: Aurora borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
S: Yes.
C: May I see it?
S: No.

7/7/2012 5:31:46 PM

Bart "Come on, Chalmie, you fired Skinner for less than this"

Chalmers "Yeah, I did, but...Skinner really bugged me! Besides, the way
America's public schools are sliding, they'll all be this way
in a few months. I say, lay back and enjoy it! It's a hell
of a toboggan ride"

7/8/2012 9:22:07 AM

Quote :

"Chalmers: GOOD LORD! WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE??? Skinner: Aurora borealis. C: Aurora borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen? S: Yes. C: May I see it? S: No."

what a fresh, new contribution

7/8/2012 10:45:29 AM

hell i know someone most likely posted this one already, hell maybe i did, but i love it

Skinner "The year was 1968. We were on recon in
a steaming Mekong delta. An overheated private removed his
flak jacket, revealing a T-shirt with an iron-on sporting the
Mad slogan "Up With Mini-Skirts".
Well, we all had a good laugh, even though I didn't quite
understand it. But our momentary lapse of concentration
allowed Charlie to get the drop on us.
I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist
on a thin stew of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and
four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it
here in the States, but they just can't get the spices right "

7/8/2012 10:55:11 AM

Quote :

"what a fresh, new contribution"

DON'T HAVE A COW, MAN.


being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep...in a giant blender.

7/8/2012 11:10:27 AM

Customer "And no one has ever caught him (General Sherman)?"

Bait Store Clertk "Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel, cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell.

7/8/2012 3:37:48 PM

Chalmers: Oh, I have had it, I have had it with this school, Skinner! The low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children!

7/12/2012 11:52:59 AM

Bullies: "Keep Away, Keep Away"

Bart: "yeah, whatever"

Jimbo: "You better pretend you want your uniform back, twerp"

Bart: "Oh, no. Woe is me. My precious uniform"

7/15/2012 8:18:16 PM

Skinner: Bart, eye-witnesses to your fight with Milhouse describe you as ‘berzerkoid,’ ‘totally aggro,’ and said you punched Milhouse ‘like 50 billion times.’ That’s an unacceptable amount of times!

7/25/2012 9:59:45 AM

Abe Simpson: I havent slept this well since I was the watch commander at Pearl Harbor.

8/1/2012 1:58:56 AM

It's almost a sin for not showing this clip in it's full context, but this is good enough since it's youtube...



Full episode link:http://wtso.net/movie/392-905_The_Cartridge_Family.html

It's the very first part of the episode.

8/2/2012 8:30:03 AM

Homer: Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in there everyday and do it really half-assed. That's the American way!

8/2/2012 8:43:25 AM

Homer: Don't you know the story of Hercules and the lion?
Bart: Is it a Bible story?
Homer: Yeah, probably. Anyway, once upon a time, there was a big mean lion
who got a thorn in his paw. All the village people tried to pull it
out, but nobody was strong enough! So, they got Hercules. And
Hercules used his mighty strength, and Bingo! Anyway, the moral is,
the lion was so happy, he gave Hercules this big... thing... of riches.
Bart: How did a lion get riches?
Homer: It was the olden days!

8/18/2012 7:55:07 PM

Marge: You know, your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while, but they said he was too heavy.

Homer: No, the Army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb.

8/18/2012 8:43:48 PM

Quote :

"Tacos? Public broadcasting? I won't let you kids throw away your money like that."

8/19/2012 2:18:24 AM

Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chilli. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

8/29/2012 7:21:56 PM

Otto: "You know those guitars, that are like, double guitars"

9/16/2012 11:35:45 PM

Bart: It's agreed-- no biting,no throwing rocks, no face farts,flying face farts, backdoor haircuts, nad noogies, moist Michaels, and absolutely no "Brazilian hardwood."

Fifth Grader: Is this a rumble or a harvest dance?

Bart: Okay, you want hardwood?

Fifth Grader: No, no, no, no.

Quote :

" There goes the fifth grade, Floatin' down the Delaware, Chewin' on their underwear, can't afford another pair. Ten days later, bitten by a polar bear, That's how the polar bear died. "

9/19/2012 6:25:59 PM

Marge: The national grammar rodeo? I wish I were going. Oh, wait, wait I wish I was going. Is that right, Bart?

Bart: I dunno.

Lisa: It's not fair. I'm the best student in school, how come I never heard about this competition?

Bart: Maybe because you are, as we say in Latin, a "dorkus malorkus."

Lisa: That's not Latin. Mom, Bart's faking it.

Marge: Lisa, you've had your glory. Now it's Bart's turn.

10/2/2012 8:53:07 PM

Barney "Barbershop is in danger of growing stale! I'm taking it to strange new places!"

10/26/2012 10:58:38 PM

11/2/2012 3:31:02 PM

lol at sneeds feed and seed

11/2/2012 3:34:32 PM

Homer: I'm not going to win "Father of the Year", in fact I'm probably the last guy in the world who should have kids. I -----er wait...can I start again? Fathering children is the best part of my day. I'd do _anything for Bart and Lisa!

Judge: And, er, Margaret?

Homer: Who? Lady, you got the wrong file.

Marge: [whispering] It's Maggie!

Homer: Oh, Maggie. Yeah, I got nothing against Maggie.

12/6/2012 5:24:50 PM

Royce: That's the miracle of the franchise. You get all the equipment
and know-how you need, plus a familiar brand-name people trust.
You'll be on a rocket-ride to the moon! And while you're there,
would you pick up some of that nice, green moon money for me --
Royce McCutcheon!

Homer: No deal, McCutcheon, that moon money is mine!

1/19/2013 5:05:34 PM

Homer: I recommend getting a tattoo, it helps preserve the things you love.......Starland Vocal Band!....they suck!!!

2/25/2013 2:52:52 PM

Marge the doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me.

2/25/2013 4:00:22 PM

My mistake was grabbing the cheese

3/20/2013 6:14:40 PM

If Jesus had a gun, he'd be alive today

3/23/2013 5:51:03 PM

watching on demand.. thought this was pretty great

3/24/2013 10:53:07 AM

Mr. Burns: I don't like being outdoors Smithers. For one thing, there are too many fat children.

3/25/2013 6:46:57 PM

Burns: Smithers, have the Rolling Stones killed

Smithers: But sir, those werent the Roll....

Burns: Do as I SAY!!

5/5/2013 12:42:52 AM

Quote :

"Sneed's Feed and Seed (Formerly Chuck's)"

HAHAHAHAHA. I would not have gotten that joke a long time ago. Those are hilarious and I hadn't noticed a lot of them. This thread continues to serve.

5/5/2013 1:58:19 AM

Hs: Or this hardy boys book, it's about smugglers.
Bs: They're all about smugglers.
Hs: No, not this one. The smugglers of pirate's cove. It's about pirates.

5/8/2013 1:55:34 PM

Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Bart, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?
Bart: No.
Fat Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh uh.
Fat Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? What if they like... cigarettes?
Bart: I guess that's okay.
Fat Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: Hell, no!
Fat Tony: Enjoy your gift.

6/27/2013 1:23:39 AM

It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

6/27/2013 2:39:01 AM

"Lisa!! In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!!"

8/9/2013 8:57:43 AM

Quote :

"HAHAHAHAHA. I would not have gotten that joke a long time ago"

I still do not get the joke.

8/9/2013 10:22:46 AM

"There's just something so unwholesome about flying a kite at night"

"Hello mother dear"

8/9/2013 10:33:45 AM

I got held back in 4th grade, TWICE, and now look at me man....now I DRIVE the school bus!!

8/16/2013 5:27:59 AM

Quote :

" I still do not get the joke."

follow the rhyme scheme.

SNEED
FEED
SEED

CHUCK
F___
S___


Do you get it now? DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO YOU?

8/16/2013 9:18:46 AM