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10/14/2004 1:36:06 PM

TO BILL BRASKY

10/14/2004 1:36:59 PM

Did I ever tell you bastards about the time Braskey and I went to the Kentucky derby? Well Brasky puts all of him money on a 3 legged shetland pony named "Chimp Limp". We make it to our seats and after a few glasses of scotch, Brasky excuses himself. So anyway, I'll be damned if this crazy S.O.B. didn't climb up onto the roof of the grandstand! Then, he pulled out a rifle and shot every horse in the race except "Chimp Limp". "Chimp Limp" won the race even though it took him 9 hours because all of the other horses were dead. Brasky was back in his seat by now and he raised his arms triumphantly when his horse won.
To celebrate, Brasky butchered "Chimp Limp" right there in the winners circle and cooked him in a BBQ pit. I'll be damned if that wasn't the best BBQ'ed horse I'd ever eaten. To BILL BRASKY!

10/14/2004 2:00:15 PM

I went back to the dentist today, and he told me I have exactly 4 days to live. He said there was only one man that could help, but he couldn't find him. So I started asking everyone I knew, " have you seen brasky lately? I got a gum infection only he can cure." Finally, a friend of mine, let's call him poopface, tells me "seen him? sunovabitch is 9'3 n' 620lbs, can't miss him!" So I'm thinking THATs what that was (I'll be damned if i didnt think there was a brand new tree in my driveway this morning). Long story short, brasky rips my jaw out of my skull and saves my life. God, how I respect that man.

10/14/2004 4:02:57 PM

Back in October of '83, Brasky had the most innovative idea on how to celebrate Hallow's Eve...Brasky made himself the best Ted Kennedy costume I ever saw. He did it by climbing in Ted's mouth and standing in his stomach. Ted went along willingly because of the shared fondness for scotch

10/14/2004 4:29:39 PM

Bill Brasky spent a period of time as a puppet. Abe Vigoda put a spell on him, it was a vicious hex. Brasky was able to break the spell throughthe help of NASA, the Mt. Olive Pickle company, and the actress who played the voice of TV's Mushmouth

10/14/2004 5:27:31 PM

He's got his own Congressional district!

10/14/2004 6:08:36 PM

Bill Brasky has the world record for longest long jump in olympic competition. Brasky made sure the rules stated all 10 toes had to touch the ground, so after his jump, while he was still in the air - ol' Brasky sliced two of his toes off. Well, Brasky, being the son of a bitch he is, keeps those toes on a string around his neck, and they haven't touched the damn ground yet.

Every step he takes, its another 3 feet added to the record. He's had olympic officials following him since 1984. He's on his third set of officials, they call the job "the Brasky Patrol"

damnedest thing that record

[Edited on October 15, 2004 at 5:01 PM. Reason : TO BILL BRASKY]

10/15/2004 5:01:06 PM

10/15/2004 5:01:36 PM

"He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!"

10/15/2004 5:08:58 PM

bill brasky had a 5th wheel hitch installed in between his shoulder blades and frequently dons roller skates and hauls new cars from detriot to dealerships in alaska

10/15/2004 5:20:16 PM

There was one time that Bill tried to open a pickle jar for his wife and he couldn't do it. He and the rest of the world freaked out because he couldn't. Children everywhere started crying, the mail stopped running, and AIDS stopped killing people. To settle the matter, he divorced his wife and married the jar. On the honey moon, the jar mysteriously shattered. When asked about it, Brasky responded "I'll only tell you that pickle juice burns on a opened wound...and my dick looks like its been in a car wreck...but then again, those were the best damned pickles I've ever had" He then showed everyone his penis and I'll be damned if TIME magazine didn't make him sexiest man of the century for it.

[Edited on October 17, 2004 at 3:35 PM. Reason : TO BILL BRASKY]

10/17/2004 3:35:34 PM

One time Brasky and I were sitting around at his place, drinking, and I made a comment about how I was so hungry I could eat a horse. Well, Brasky stands up and goes to the nearest farm, where he shoots a horse takes it back home and starts to cook it. Now, I was only using it as a figure of speech, but I wanted to be a polite guest so I didn't say anything. An hour later Bill walks out with a perfect horse roast. And I'll be damned if slavery wasn't abolished because of it!

10/18/2004 5:02:03 PM

That Brasky takes about one crap a year. He has to run a marathon first to dislodge everything from his innards. Brasky then finds a secluded area, digs a nice little moat, and starts the process. Long story short, all that is left when Brasky is finished is close to a metric ton of enriched coal, a number of peanuts roughly equal to the daily production at your average Planter's factory, and at least 3 oxen.

Now I don't know for certain, but I've heard the Meadowlands Stadium complex was built on one of Bill Brasky's defecations

10/19/2004 10:24:12 AM

Quote :

"and AIDS stopped killing people"

gg

10/21/2004 9:20:29 AM

Brasky once posed nude for Playgirl. Brasky was considered far too beautiful, and his pictures were put in Playboy, as well

10/21/2004 9:29:00 AM

Bill Brasky masterbates with broken glass. And damn if the wind from his arm jerking back and forth doesn't provide enough power for Nebraska AND South Dakota.

10/21/2004 5:24:18 PM

Bill Basky has three penises; but he only has the ability to get two erections at a time

10/24/2004 1:30:38 PM

NASA once tried to research the miracle known as William Robert Brasky by building a robot version of him. Upon completion the robot Brasky broke free of its restraints, impregnated all the women, drank all of the rocket fuel on site and then blasted off for parts unknown. Well one day I'm in the heartland of America and I get abducted by this 12 ft half-robot alien, makes me a little curious so I ask him his name. Sure enough its ISXLJIXIHHPIJN Brasky!

10/25/2004 1:31:31 PM

Bill Brasky has never had a glass of water. Instead, his body has just evolved into a more efficient system that expunges the water from expensive liquor. If you were to drink Brasky's urine, it would taste like the finest brandy known to man.

I had a Brasky Urine Sour the other day, not only was my thirst quenched, but I was drunk within five minutes!!!

10/25/2004 1:40:12 PM

For a period in the late 50’s, Brasky went impotent, the female reproductive system didn’t know how to react, yet felt the obligation to produce, what resulted we now call “hermaphrodites”

10/25/2004 1:54:16 PM

Bill Brasky once had a headache that lasted 11 years; we generally refer to it as "Seinfeld"

10/25/2004 2:07:19 PM

I once saw Brasky in his house, weeping. When he noticed i was there he pistol whipped me within an inch of my lilfe, and forced me to drink his tears, which were as thick as motor oil, and ill be DAMNED if it wasnt as sweet as a mother's milk.

10/25/2004 2:21:19 PM

There's alot to be said for Brasky's Pants. Very few people know that Brasky wears 2 St Bernards for trousers, with his feet sticking out the bottoms. Theres a family of Nigerians renting the left leg for 300 dollars a week. Brasky's Pants were used to bridge trenches and foxholes in WWII.

10/25/2004 5:15:52 PM

Bill Brasky's intellect is what handicapped Steven Hawking.

10/25/2004 5:49:54 PM

The letter order of a standard keyboard is the direct result of Brasky's dyslexia

10/26/2004 10:38:18 AM

BILL BRASKY!

10/26/2004 10:57:41 AM

Brasky introduced Yoko to John; he said it's part of a larger plan that only my children's grandchildren will appreciate

10/26/2004 10:59:25 AM

i told bill brasky that i was sorry and he didn't remember why

10/26/2004 11:02:46 AM

Brasky can grow moles on his face at will, and I’m talking about the animals.

10/26/2004 11:04:25 AM

brasky once scourged the earth around montpelier vermont, just for the hell of it

10/26/2004 11:06:41 AM

Abe Lincolon lost a poker match with Brasky. From then on he had to wear a large hat which Brasky shat in daily. And free the slaves.

10/26/2004 11:07:17 AM

Bill Brasky invented asian cuisine

10/26/2004 11:08:04 AM

If a tree falls in the woods, Brasky hears it.

10/26/2004 11:09:22 AM

bill brasky keeps a jar with the teeth of each egyptian pharoh

10/26/2004 11:09:50 AM

Brasky can't read but I'll be damned if it didn't stop that sumbitch from inventing the alphabet

10/26/2004 11:11:16 AM

bill brasky was the first to fly around the world in a hot air balloon with "pwnt your cunt" written on it

10/26/2004 11:13:17 AM

Brasky once assaulted a women for mentioning "Baking Soda"

10/26/2004 11:16:12 AM

bill brasky once lied to the cops and didn't even flinch

10/26/2004 11:18:36 AM

That scene from Temple of Doom, where the shaman pulls the man's heart out, is loosely based on Brasky's wedding night

10/26/2004 11:25:09 AM

Brasky once used the elevator to get to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Once at the peak, he harnessed his Chi and forced the tower to bend to the very ground. Releasing his Chi in the form of the biggest ejaculate in history, Brasky catapulted from France to Botswana, where he solved all civil disputes with a game of sodomy twister, and I'll be damned if Botswana didn't become the world's largest trading center.

10/26/2004 11:27:13 AM

bill brasky only had to blink to defeat Goliath

10/26/2004 12:13:17 PM

look,^

you get two chances to make a funny brasky anticdote

you failed.

quit.

10/26/2004 12:16:30 PM

Quote :

"29769 12:07 AM Welfare Check A student called to report that a male subject was laying in the street. Officers located the non-student, who claimed to be Bill Brasky. The subject stated he was leaving the football game when the Miami cheerleaders invited him on their bus. The non-student claimed when ambushed by the male cheerleaders he assualted them and then had sexual relations with all the female cheerleaders and made the males watch. The male cheerleaders then claimed to "turn straight"."

10/26/2004 3:42:04 PM

bill brasky was the original captain for the nina and the pinta, but when they suggested the santa maria; well, brasky let them have it...

thats why he raised north america from under the sea, to spite columbus

10/26/2004 3:43:30 PM

Quote :

"look,^ you get two chances to make a funny brasky anticdote you failed. quit."

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

10/26/2004 3:44:52 PM

yeah, i didn't want to say anything...but the guys right...
i mean, i'm sure not all of mine are golden nuggets, but...meh

10/26/2004 3:46:32 PM

Do you guys know a man by the name of Bill Brasky? He's a human-gastropod hybrid with one giant foot, a feathered beard, and a natural perm

10/26/2004 3:51:23 PM

Bill Brasky is his own Godfather.
I was at his christening; when his parents realized how powerful he was, they actaully let little Brasky rape and kill his Aunt & Uncle
Cutest thing you'd ever seen

10/26/2004 4:02:26 PM

Did You guys know I went to grade school with Bill. Anyhow, Brasky let me watch him play doctor with a girl behind the bleachers once... he gave her an apendectomy and removed a malignant tumor from her kidney. And damn-it-all if he didn't sew her up to make the stitches match his signature. You may know her has Miss Garrett form TV's Facts of Life

10/26/2004 4:09:27 PM