My dad is terminally ill and is granting power of attorney rights to me and other family members.

Does anyone know, if he were to designate my mom as the primary actor and me as a successor actor, would I be able to fulfill the power of attorney responsibilities anytime that she's not able or not wanting to do so or is there an involved process that requires a lot of hoops to jump through in order to allow me to fulfill those responsibilities instead?

12/5/2022 9:10:22 AM

Sorry about your dad.

12/5/2022 11:11:12 AM

^^ I guess another way to ask the question would be, if my brother is the first successor agent (not actor) and I'm the second successor agent, would I be able to take care of any responsibilities if he's busy with work or would he have to give up first successor status in order for me to do so?

^ Thanks for the comment. My parents' house doesn't have a bedroom or full bath on the first floor, but we've moved him into a space that has a bedroom, full bath, laundry, living area, fridge, microwave and cook top all on the ground floor, so I feel like he's in a much better arrangement than he was previously. I have no idea what's going to happen to their house, though.

12/5/2022 11:47:43 AM

I'm sorry about your dad.

I was the alternate on a medical power of attorney for a family member with a terminal illness. My understanding was that I could act only if the primary was unwilling or unable to--the doctors would only ask me if they couldn't get a decision from the primary. In our situation the doctor knew both of us (the primary and secondary) and there was a living will, so everyone was aware of what she wanted and there was no ambiguity. This was not in North Carolina and I think you're asking about a general power of attorney, so I'm not sure this is really a helpful answer for you.

I would highly recommend speaking to a lawyer about setting up a living trust for your parents. It avoids probate and, at least in our situation, made closing the estate a lot easier.

12/5/2022 4:42:45 PM

Thanks for the suggestion and condolence. Would adding our names to his various accounts be an alternative to setting up a living trust?

We have the paperwork for medical power of attorney, general power of attorney and a living will. The general power of attorney would concern his financial accounts, insurance, taxes, etc.

If it's like you described with regard to a medical power of attorney, I guess that the representative at these entities would try to reach my mom and then reach out to the next successor agent if she's unreachable or just doesn't want to be involved with whatever decision needs to be made.

I'm still curious how it would work if I wanted to be proactive with regard to something. Would they turn me away if I were to reach out to them without her contacting them first?

12/5/2022 6:02:12 PM

With respect to the medical power of attorney, that was my impression of what would happen.

I can't give solid answers to your other questions. Based on my very limited experience:

You will not be able to do anything without a power of attorney. You need to be the agent or all the agents need to agree if there are multiple agents. After your dad passes you will need a copy of the death certificate and a copy of the will showing who the executor is.

I would be very wary of adding your names to accounts without fully understanding potential consequences (assuming liabilities, impact on probate, etc).

Ideally your dad has a will or trust that specifically outlines what he wants to happen with his estate. If your dad passes without a will, his estate will be divided by a court according to state law.

I really encourage your family to find an estate lawyer who can give specific advice about your situation.

12/6/2022 1:52:01 AM

If in Raleigh Area: https://livingtrustlawfirm.com/

12/8/2022 10:15:13 PM

Any updates? Wishing you the best

5/1/2023 10:51:43 PM

I had moved my parents into my house about a week or two prior to creating this thread. After receiving advice here and elsewhere, I discussed the various power of attorney options with my dad and obtained his preferred designations for each of the available options.

I then scheduled to have a notary and two witnesses come to my house for my dad's signing of the paperwork; however, for whatever reason, on the day that this was scheduled, my mom decided that it wasn't going to be a good to do this and that we should reschedule for another day in the near future.

My dad passed away two weeks after this thread was created (so maybe a week or so after we decided to postpone signing the power of attorney paperwork). By the time that his colon cancer had been diagnosed, it had already spread to his liver, and he ultimately died from liver failure.

My mom moved back to her house a couple of months ago. Recently, I've been trying to help her with determining the best steps forward, like whether to proceed with either a Summary Administration or a Full Administration of their estate. She doesn't have the best mental acuity and is currently refusing to grant power of attorney authorization to anyone, so it's been a bit of a slog.

Even four months later, I don't feel like I've processed everything, but it was helpful to type this out, so thanks for following up.

5/2/2023 9:10:54 AM

I thought someone else might chime in first, but I, at the very least want to say…I sincerely value that post.

5/5/2023 2:54:59 AM

^^sincerely sorry

5/5/2023 1:24:23 PM

Yeah that sounds like it sucks. Sorry.

5/5/2023 6:30:46 PM