I keep a glass at my desk solely for water. It is a vintage 1976 Pepsi Super Series glass featuring Batman, the Caped Crusader.

The water dispenser is a "bottleless" ION model. You have to press the button the whole time you're dispensing, which is especially annoying because the stream is slow. The machine holds you captive, which means you have to suffer all sorts of inane chat at the kitchenette.

I make the best of a bad situation thus: When I place my glass under the dispenser, I do not set it on the platform. I keep it in hand and tilt the glass as if I am drawing a beer.

This serves two purposes. The first is that someone may notice the beer pull and say something along the lines of, "I'm thinking the same thing" or, "That was worth a try!" That has only happened once, and I think about that instance every time I fill my glass. That means I am thinking about an isolated instance of forgettable human interaction at least three times a day and hoping for a single recurrence.

The other is that the glass's design makes the gentle stream of water hit and spread from Batman's head in such a way that it looks like he's taking a very serious shower, in full dress with his arms akimbo. It's silly. It occurs to me as I type this that while the glass fills, it's like Batman is trapped in a tank of rising water. I'm surprised that never occurred to me before.

[Edited on January 23, 2018 at 7:31 AM. Reason : "It's curtains for you, you flying rat!"]

[Edited on January 23, 2018 at 7:31 AM. Reason : "You're in over your head now, Dark Nut!"]

[Edited on January 23, 2018 at 7:32 AM. Reason : "What's the matter, Bats? In over your head? BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"]

1/23/2018 7:29:57 AM

Those are solid.

The housekeeping staff at my office has had to place a trash can next to the water fountain I use, because it vastly overshoots the target about 50% of the time and would otherwise get all over the floor. I am 95% certain this was in response to my use of it to fill my water cup, and that fills me with guilt and shame.

1/23/2018 9:03:32 AM

^^I thought you were going for the I'm-using-two-hands-and-have-to-fully-face-the-machine-Don't-bother-me thing

1/23/2018 9:46:08 AM

I don't mind interactions in general. Just miss me with that Monday shit.

1/23/2018 9:52:35 AM

TL dr

1/23/2018 9:57:52 AM

It's five short paragraphs. What are you, fucking four years old? Get the fuck out of here.

1/23/2018 10:00:17 AM

tldr

1/23/2018 5:06:19 PM

tell me more about where this cup came from

1/23/2018 5:10:00 PM

I always enjoy story time with Uncle FroshKiller.

1/23/2018 5:53:37 PM

not interesting;didn’t read.

1/23/2018 6:01:57 PM

you need to fab a button pressing rig using weights, levers, yada yada

[Edited on January 23, 2018 at 6:35 PM. Reason : r]

1/23/2018 6:34:23 PM