I didn't even know that was a thing...

http://deadspin.com/and-now-your-absolute-worst-poop-mishaps-1755409188

Quote :

"About 6 years back I was at my girlfriend’s place. She had to leave for a few hours to go to some type of training. Once she left I had to drop a deuce. I went into the bathroom, did my business and stood up to wipe (yes, I am one of those). Immediately, I felt something move in the leg of my jeans. I freaked out. Based upon the size and movement, my brain instantly thought MOUSE!! So, I started hitting the outside of my jeans trying to kill the mouse that was running down the backside of my leg. After a couple of whacks, I felt like if I didn’t kill it I had at least badly injured it. I pulled of my pants and found the mouse.... oh wait, nope. It was a piece of shit. When I stood up to wipe and piece of stool fell down into my pants and I had just smashed it all over my leg. Of course I didn’t have a change of clothes, but luckily there was a coin operated laundry. I was able to get my jeans washed and dried before I go home. I still stand to wipe."

1/28/2016 3:16:25 PM

I lay down

[Edited on January 28, 2016 at 3:27 PM. Reason : V u bored at work??]

1/28/2016 3:24:52 PM

1/28/2016 3:25:52 PM

I used to know a guy who said he did. Let's not dwell on why we were discussing this; but instead focus on how he's probably a serial killer now.

1/28/2016 3:31:04 PM

I can tell you that as a man who has pooped in a variety of configurations in a variety of places, I have also cleansed in myriad ways, and standing to wipe is not as weird as you think.

1/28/2016 3:35:30 PM

Is this stand vs crouch or stand vs remain seated?

1/28/2016 3:36:10 PM

It seems the best configuration to poop in (dependent on the facilities of course) would also be the best configuration to wipe in, right?

[Edited on January 28, 2016 at 3:43 PM. Reason : ^ the latter]

1/28/2016 3:43:24 PM

You mean, you're suppose to wipe?

1/28/2016 3:47:14 PM

I think it really depends on the toilet configuration. and your junk.

1/28/2016 3:53:13 PM

Quote :

"remain seated"

Knowing how fat most of you are, I literally don't see how this is possible.

1/28/2016 4:00:15 PM

Quote :

"It seems the best configuration to poop in (dependent on the facilities of course) would also be the best configuration to wipe in, right? [Edited on January 28, 2016 at 3:43 PM. Reason : ^ the latter]"

Well I qualify as weirdo then, seems pretty perilous to dip your hand an inch from shit water.

1/28/2016 4:25:42 PM

Are ya'll not capable of crouching with your asshole over the toilet?

1/28/2016 4:32:06 PM

I go to the 2nd floor to poop because of potential energy

1/28/2016 4:35:55 PM

Quote :

"Well I qualify as weirdo then, seems pretty perilous to dip your hand an inch from shit water."

So does this mean we have our first stander ITT???

[Edited on January 28, 2016 at 4:41 PM. Reason : ^^ was going to be my next question]

1/28/2016 4:41:04 PM

I don't remain seated, I crouch.

1/28/2016 4:57:47 PM

I bet there is at least one dirty ass back-to-front wiper ITT

[Edited on January 28, 2016 at 5:09 PM. Reason : probably EMCE]

1/28/2016 5:08:29 PM

I'm a croucher, and I feel shame now

1/28/2016 5:12:37 PM

i didn't know anyone remained seated to wipe until i read that in another thread here, why would you want to put your hand inside a toilet bowl when you can just lean forward a bit?

are people who remain seated wiping from the front or the back? wiping from the front seems disgusting, but wouldn't wiping from the back push your junk pretty close to the toilet seat and bowl?

1/28/2016 6:13:45 PM

subtle troll. i like it.

1/28/2016 6:31:47 PM

no, i really want to know how staying seated works

1/28/2016 6:36:10 PM

i think i misunderstood what you said about "wiping from the front." I took it to mean that wiping from the front to back of your ass was disgusting, when I believe you actually meant jamming your hand into your ass crack from the front seems pretty disgusting.

1/28/2016 6:37:38 PM

This has been discussed on TWW some years ago, and I remember one user who said he stands to wipe, but I won't reveal him. He can post here if he wants.

1/28/2016 7:41:26 PM

You just lean to one side.

1/28/2016 8:45:39 PM

Quote :

"I don't remain seated, I crouch"

If you're leaning forward it's still sitting

1/28/2016 9:46:10 PM

If your butt cheeks aren't touching the toilet seat, you're not sitting anymore

1/28/2016 9:49:04 PM

FFS how far forward do u fools lean?

[Edited on January 28, 2016 at 10:13 PM. Reason : Looking like a fool with your hand on the ground ]

1/28/2016 10:12:36 PM

I stand. At 6'-3" I try to hide behind stall door in a public bathroom.

1/28/2016 11:19:50 PM

Crouching isnt the right word maybe, what I really do is get in the key athletic position





Like if someone passed me a bball while wiping, I would be well prepared to shoot, pass, or dribble, except that one hand is rubbing my butt crack

[Edited on January 28, 2016 at 11:49 PM. Reason : A]

1/28/2016 11:48:03 PM

yeah it is kinda like the 3 point / triple threat stance

rwoody wiping his ass



synapse wiping his ass



[Edited on January 28, 2016 at 11:54 PM. Reason : .]

1/28/2016 11:52:08 PM

I would think that when you stand, your cheeks would naturally clench together, preventing you from getting deep enough into your asshole to get all the poop out. Leaning to the side or crouching yields more "give" to your cheeks, and thus allows you to get more penetration and a more effective wipe. I like to get it really clean, so after the first few big wipes where I get >90% of the shit, I'll wrap a few layers of TP around my ring and middle fingers and effectively scratch my asshole with my TP covered fingers, ensuring I get the stubborn remnants.

1/28/2016 11:56:10 PM

I stand and use baby wipes

1/29/2016 7:50:43 AM

We got our first stander!

1/29/2016 8:24:57 AM

at home i have a bidet toilet seat. The seat itself is super cheap, but i spent a little more to run a hot water line to it

1/29/2016 8:44:01 AM

I stand to poop.

1/29/2016 6:04:16 PM

https://i.imgur.com/cglQDUS.gifv

1/30/2016 8:19:15 PM

^That may not be waste. That looks more like a utility job where pipe is being laid, so they pressured it up to blow out all the dirt and such that got in during the installation.

1/30/2016 9:34:15 PM

I have the luxury of working at home, so 99% of my shits I can wipe w/ dry TP then top it off with one or two of these

1/30/2016 9:50:37 PM

Those things are fucking awful for the sewer system. Your butthole does not need a wet wipe, man the fuck up.

1/30/2016 10:46:02 PM

dweedle's butthole definitely needs wet wipes. Trust me.

1/30/2016 11:07:43 PM

1/30/2016 11:21:51 PM

Any animal that can't reach their butthole with their tongue needs wet wipes.

1/31/2016 2:59:40 AM

the problem with wet wipes is that you have to throw them in the trash and that's gross.

you can buy a bidet toilet seat for <$30

1/31/2016 2:59:20 PM

I throw one leg over the stall door and get in there with that TP because i'm more flexible than y'all cubicle sitting asses.

Also, I sit on the toilet facing the tank, thats how we civilized people shit.

1/31/2016 4:18:35 PM

clearly says "flushable" on that pic up there

1/31/2016 6:44:23 PM

while we are on the topic of shitting, someone please explain the crumple toliet paper method. I thought everyone folded until my friend mentioned crumpling. Crumpling seems like an excellent way to get dingleberries (when I fold, I know if something remained behind). This friend also wiped from the front by holding his junk to the side instead of reaching behind.

And standing up? jeebus, you guys are destroying everything I thought I knew about shitting. Side leaner here.

1/31/2016 8:18:08 PM

^^Clearly!

1/31/2016 9:06:14 PM

Quote :

"the problem with wet wipes is that you have to throw them in the trash and that's gross. "

I would never, ever do such a thing, and I'm a pretty disgusting human being. I find it hard to believe that this anything like a standard practice.

oh wait, this must be a joke.

2/1/2016 12:46:54 AM

Quote :

"while we are on the topic of shitting, someone please explain the crumple toliet paper method. I thought everyone folded until my friend mentioned crumpling. Crumpling seems like an excellent way to get dingleberries (when I fold, I know if something remained behind). This friend also wiped from the front by holding his junk to the side instead of reaching behind. And standing up? jeebus, you guys are destroying everything I thought I knew about shitting. Side leaner here."

Seriously, I make a nice square patch of about 8-10 folded layers, I typically make several in advance and place them on top of my pants/underwear in a stack, with the one on top having the most layers since you get more shit on your first wipe.

While we are the subject of dingleberries, I dont know how the fuck you are supposed to avoid them with any sort of two-ply or ultra-soft toilet paper. I hate that stuff, basic-ass single-ply Scott 1000 works just fine. "Double-ply" is more like two 1/2 plies. It basically comes apart upon contact with anus and I get shit on my hands and have to pick the remnants out of my asshole.

Im also back-to-front wiper, for guys it doesnt matter, you are going to get crap on the back of your balls anyway. Just clean those last.

2/1/2016 1:57:10 AM

Quote :

"I bet there is at least one dirty ass back-to-front wiper ITT"

2/1/2016 2:01:43 AM

Quote :

"you are going to get crap on the back of your balls anyway"

Ummm

2/1/2016 6:20:30 AM