Basically it boils down to this... I have a friend getting married in Michigan on the same day that my sister is graduating from State. I bought the plane ticket prior to my sister telling me the date of her graduation, and it's $200 to cancel the ticket. I'm also not even sure that I will have a ticket to her graduation since she only has a limited number and I know the grandparents would like to attend. My sister has been living with me for 2yrs while she finished her degree so I feel like I've kept pretty up to date with her progress and I don't really know that attending the graduation is necessary.

I think I'm going to tell her I'll give her $200 if she lets me go to the wedding. Otherwise I'll spend the $200 on cancelling the flight.

Thoughts?

4/18/2011 3:59:07 PM

i would never bail on my family like that...and yes, it's bailing - even if you have lived with her for 2 years.

caveat 1: not sure what her major is, but if she can't get you in to see the actual diploma ceremony (and not the boring RBC stuff), then you can split

caveat 2: if she didn't come to your graduation, you can skip it (but I'd still feel guilty for doing it if it was me)

[Edited on April 18, 2011 at 4:05 PM. Reason : .]

4/18/2011 4:01:40 PM

Well I never viewed my graduation as a big deal, it's not like it wasn't expected etc... And I will probably end up going to her graduation, I'm just annoyed that I won't be able to go to this wedding I've been looking forward to for months and that I'm out $200 as well.

^^She's elementary education. She came to my graduation but at the time she was a senior in HS, but the only reason i went to my own graduation was for my parents.

[Edited on April 18, 2011 at 4:09 PM. Reason : .]

4/18/2011 4:05:20 PM

You should probably talk to her about it...you're a SmoothTalker, you can make it work.

4/18/2011 4:07:14 PM

If she can't get you a ticket, you're off the hook. If she can, you're kind of screwed. I think buying her off is a bad idea in either case, don't do it.

4/18/2011 4:07:58 PM

i think its very dependent on your family as well.


i am 100% positive that my brother would NOT be mad, or even care really, if i bailed on his graduation and i feel the same about him. thats just us though.

[Edited on April 18, 2011 at 4:12 PM. Reason : ...]

4/18/2011 4:08:34 PM

i'd opt for the wedding. my graduation & my brother's graduation were both boring. neither of us did the half with the commencement speech & whatnot, just the major-specific portion. neither of us would have cared if the other was there either. plus i wouldn't waste $200 like that. just my opinion.

4/18/2011 4:08:43 PM

I'd go to the wedding. She's been living with you for 2 years, so clearly you've been following her progress closely and no doubt have been supporting her. I had a lot of family come to my graduation but if my sister couldn't have come for something like a wedding I wouldn't have cared.

Then again, how close are you to this friend in Michigan? Unless you're fairly close I'd cancel on the wedding.

4/18/2011 4:10:05 PM

ummm... talk to your sister about it. if she is like oh...and seems dissapointed go to the grad. but she she may surprise you and say hey no worries go to the wedding.

4/18/2011 4:12:24 PM

Some people think the graduation ceremony is a big deal... others don't...

I didn't even go to my own graduation - same piece of paper showed up in the mail.

Talk to your sister - Doesn't really sound like much drama to me....

4/18/2011 4:16:06 PM

My own family didn't even attend my graduation bc of the extreme distance between us so maybe I'm not a good example. A college degree is nothing special in this day an age, If it is a good friend go to the wedding.

4/18/2011 5:58:37 PM

go to the wedding, unless it is going to be more boring than the graduation

4/18/2011 7:16:08 PM

I would have been very disappointed if any of my immediate family ditched my graduation

4/18/2011 7:17:24 PM

ask her if its important. i didnt even attend my own college graduation ceremony. like i told my mom.....what idiot (me included) hasn't graduated from college.

4/18/2011 7:20:19 PM

Quote :

"i think its very dependent on your family as well. i am 100% positive that my brother would NOT be mad, or even care really, if i bailed on his graduation and i feel the same about him. thats just us though."

I agree.
If you skip it I'd suggest arranging something nice for her though. Surprise flowers & card would do the trick. I don't see how she could be too disappointed, but it really all depends on your family.

4/18/2011 7:51:51 PM

Is there any correlation degrees ahead of you(Parents/siblings) and expectations from a graduation? My parents have 3, older siblings have one each. Come the 6th time they just didn't care, and neither did I. They were proud yes, but by that time I had no choice but to get a degree and wasn't going to be celebrated for doing so. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying a celebration is a bad thing. Hell im always down for a celebration.

I also never got a dime for making good grades in middle/high school as I know a ton of my friends were.

4/18/2011 7:59:00 PM

i agree with joie that it depends on your family and your relationship with your sister

if you feel comfortable attending the wedding in lieu of her graduation i definitely agree with ^^ that you should make sure to do something special for the day of, flowers or something sent to her would be nice. and be sure to take her out to dinner when you get back.

in fact, she may feel pressured to find tickets for everyone (i know i did for my own graduation) so perhaps one less ticket to secure would take a little burden off of her. but again, that depends on your relationship with her

4/18/2011 8:48:36 PM

I wouldn't have missed my sister's graduation for anything. It was a tremendous ordeal for her and a big accomplishment, plus we are a small tight knit family. If she is hem hawing about even going to the ceremony then i'd say wedding, but if it has been a real journey or what not and big accomplishment then blow off the wedding.

Another way to think is how important are YOU to the person. You talk about going to the wedding, but you don't mention the bride/groom by anything other than "a friend". You mention "the wedding", and sounds like you're just in for the party. Otherwise you would say "my best friend since high school" or something similar, meaning the person was a bigger deal to you. Cancel the flight, get it rescheduled and get drunk with your friend some other time. Hell even then you can be more than just one out of dozens of faces on that day.

your sister has lived with you for two years to finish this degree, sounds like you are a big deal to her...you are her older brother after all. Don't blow it off for the sake of some binge drinking event.

4/18/2011 10:11:59 PM

I didn't go to my graduation and made no request to go to my sister's. I personally think a wedding is a much bigger deal but obv that is subjective.

4/18/2011 10:23:39 PM

just smooth talk the chick

4/18/2011 10:46:20 PM

Plain and simple: If you want to do it then do it and your family will give you credit for it. You will prolly feel guilty bailing out on her.

But if you don't want to do it and don't give a shit, then whatever floats your boat.

4/19/2011 1:46:49 AM

Go to the wedding. You cared enough to buy a plane ticket. You've supported your sister enough.

4/19/2011 8:53:50 AM

i didn't go to my brother's college graduation - and he didn't come to mine. we're close but it just didn't work out for either of us to attend.

4/19/2011 9:02:44 AM

Do you have a better chance of getting laid at a wedding with possible drunk and insecure single women? Or at a family graduation party?

4/19/2011 9:03:36 AM

^that's what I was going to say!

Talk to her and see if she's fine with you going to the wedding. If I were her I'd rather get the money gift Both of my brothers couldn't come to my graduation but it didn't mean that they weren't proud of me or didn't care

4/19/2011 9:12:05 AM

just go to the wedding and tell her you had committed to that ahead of time without knowing when her graduation was.....tell her you will take her/family out to eat to celebrate her graduation

4/19/2011 9:24:58 AM

If it were my sibling, I'd go to the graduation.

4/19/2011 9:53:08 AM

Tell her to not graduate college yet and enjoy it as long as possible.

Then go to wedding.

Win, win.

4/19/2011 9:55:25 AM

I didn't even want to go to my own graduation. I only did the big one to placate relatives.

4/19/2011 11:40:07 AM

If she's planning on getting a graduate degree as well, go to the wedding.

4/19/2011 12:04:18 PM

I only went to the ME department graduation. Instead of some washed up author for a speaker, my family got to hear Dr. Gould describe how engineers are the master race

4/19/2011 2:51:27 PM

^Aren't we?!!

4/19/2011 3:45:41 PM

You know. I don't think she'll mind. I'd just talk to her about it. Don't even bring up the $200 you'll pay her. Just surprise her when you get back or smthg.

4/19/2011 6:42:48 PM

are you single?

if so the wedding seems more important to you. You only get one wedding and its a very speciial moment. A graduation is bullshit. you don't even get the real degree. You'll be there when the real one arrives in your mailbox a month from now...

4/19/2011 8:39:37 PM

^i got my degree at my dept graduation. PY FTW.

how tight of a friend is this??

4/19/2011 10:48:24 PM

My brother graduated the same day as me....we each went to our own graduation and now occassionally give each other shit for missing the other's...also, I've graduated twice since and he has still skipped them all.

I sometimes feel angry, cause he didn't even have a good excuse (like a wedding) those other times, but holding a grudge about something so trivial (seriously, I need his support when my life is going to shit - he doesn't need to be there when I'm kicking ass unless he wants to) isn't going to help our relationship.

So, all that said, as a sister....you should go to the wedding.

4/19/2011 10:55:56 PM

Let her make the decision.
If she wants you to go to her graduation then you're out 200 bucks.
If she says it's ok if you miss it for the wedding then give her the 200 bucks you would have lost as a graduation present.

[Edited on April 20, 2011 at 1:32 AM. Reason : in other words, i think your idea is good.]

4/20/2011 1:31:35 AM

i never considered either of my graduations (undergrad and graduate) especially important to ME, so if someone in my immediate family were in this same situation, my feelings wouldn't be hurt in the slightest...my parents and grandparents, on the other hand, made them out to be incredibly important, so of course i had a big attendance to both

i think our generation takes education as a given, not a privilege, so maybe that's it...also, i'm a guy and i don't get sentimental about things like that

as for your situation...you know your sister better than we do...will she understand that you already made hard-to-cancel plans? will her feelings be hurt if you can't (don't) show up?

i don't know...family's important

4/20/2011 8:27:15 AM

Quote :

"in fact, she may feel pressured to find tickets for everyone (i know i did for my own graduation) so perhaps one less ticket to secure would take a little burden off of her. but again, that depends on your relationship with her "

this exactly. i remember when i was graduating from state and i had family say "oh hey..i'm coming to your graduation!" and i wasn't even sure i could get enough tickets. it was a little stressful.

like everyone else said, it really depends on your family but i would be totally fine with my brother/sister skipping out on my graduation, especially if they had something planned way in advance and even more so if a plane ticket was already purchased.

4/20/2011 11:33:10 AM

go to the wedding

especially if it's open bar

4/20/2011 12:57:07 PM

Talk to your sis
or
Choose whichever one gives you the best opportunity to get laid

4/20/2011 1:02:29 PM

i would go to the wedding. my sister would understand.

4/20/2011 3:24:34 PM

I didn't even go to my graduation, so it's not important to me, apparently. But I say talk to your sister, and she will probably understand. Don't offer the money, just give it as a gift afterwards if you end up going to the wedding.

4/20/2011 3:35:34 PM

no one in my family would mind if i missed a graduation for a wedding. who cares? it's boring as shit, and your sibling/relative is the center of attention for 10 seconds while they walk 30 feet across the stage. I agree it's important to go if you don't have a legitimate excuse to skip it, but a wedding is way more special IMO.

4/20/2011 4:48:35 PM

hell i probably wont even show up at my own graduation i sure as hell ain't gonna hold it against anyone else

4/20/2011 4:54:24 PM

go to your friends wedding.

wedding > important > college graduation

wedding > fun > college graduation

you gotta get on the new brides good side early or you'll be one of the friends that gets axed. also the women at weddings are horny as shit and drunk. also it's your boys wedding.

are you part of the groom party? if so then you are obligated to do that. lil sis will get over it

4/20/2011 5:42:52 PM