would you move significantly far away to a new city for a new career (++25k)?
me: yes
what if you had a very significant other? would you support them to have them?
(that is, if I move and get this high paying job would you accompany me shortly therafter and look for a new job?)
me: yes


still, trying to figure this out. any life experience on this topic would be awesome.



[Edited on January 30, 2010 at 7:51 PM. Reason : .]

1/30/2010 7:49:11 PM

I think a lot depends on the cost of living in said new city. For example I would not move to New York City for 25k.

1/30/2010 7:51:48 PM

If I had the opportunity to make 25K more than I am making now, I would very seriously consider a move, provided a)it was a city of the same caliber of, or an upgrade, to, Raleigh (ie I wouldn't move to BFE, Oklahoma) and b)my very significant other would be willing to come along. I value her more than I value a pay increase, so I wouldn't go if it meant going alone.

If she had the better opportunity I expect it would be the same. Unless there was a damn good reason for not going, I wouldn't stand in the way of a better opportunity, and would be willing to relocate. I like it here and don't mind my job, but neither one is a showstopper.

1/30/2010 8:05:09 PM

Yes I would move.

No I would not support a "very SO" in this new city unless we were engaged.

1/30/2010 8:05:59 PM

Coming from the side of the "very SO" I would have to say that I would be willing to move to a new city (I know I wouldn't have much choice since we made this legal, but I would have even before that) if it meant my husband would get a higher paying job, especially by that margin. If it was the difference of that much between here and, say, San Francisco, the cost of living cancels it out, so that's something to consider too.

1/30/2010 8:26:14 PM

What are her job prospects in the area? If she is making more money/bonuses/insurance contribution etc total than your salary boost would account for, and the job market looks pretty dry for her field... then I might not mess with a good thing.

But if her job doesn't pay much, or she has a strong chance of finding a good job in the new location, then go for it.

I'd also very much take into account what richthofen about the caliber of the city you'd moving to.

1/30/2010 8:26:57 PM

I moved to a new city in 2006. I already had two friends here and made a bunch of new friends. It was great. Then they ALL got married and moved away. Now it sucks. Outside of people at work and a few causal acquaintances (ie the waitstaff at a couple of restaurants), I don't know anyone here. It gets pretty lonely.

If I had a SO I'd move to be with her. There's really nothing keeping me here other than a house I recently purchased. I'd be willing to take the financial hit to stay close to my hypothetical SO.

[Edited on January 30, 2010 at 8:31 PM. Reason : wtf]

1/30/2010 8:29:59 PM

I moved to Cincinnati for a higher paying job (much higher, and my old job was a budget cut, sooo) and Im undecided so far. The extra money is nice, especially considering the cost of living is about the same. However, its a new city and I work long hours so meeting people has been a little awkward. It feels very 'I love you man' at times. If I had someone to move with Id be more gung-ho about. Im content but Id jump if I could move to a city where I had some good friends.

1/30/2010 9:07:12 PM

I moved completely across the country last year, from Raleigh to Boise, ID, and it's been a really great change in my life. I had a few extenuating circumstances that made it an easy decision for me, though:
1) I was unemployed in Raleigh, and got a job in Boise. So.... yeah, would have been kind of stupid not to go. But, turns out I like this job a lot more than my old one anyway, salary is about $8k higher than when I got laid off, and the cost of living is ~ to Raleigh.
2) my SO (wife) and I separated pretty much at the exact same time I got the job and decided to move. So it was basically a clean break for both of us - I moved out here by myself (with our dog), and she moved back to the NC mountains near her parents.
3) I already knew about a dozen people at my new company, who had already moved out here right after our old company folded (same industry).
4) by coincidence, I have 5 friends I grew up with/went to high school with in Boone, NC that live here already, so I already have an outside-of-work friend base


anyway, I was tepid about moving to Idaho to begin with (that's why I didn't go earlier in the year when several of my former co-workers did), but now I don't regret it at all. It's a great change of pace, and you may be really happy that you went out on a limb and tried something new.

1/30/2010 10:02:33 PM

heh this is what I did when I moved to Japan, but the supporting would not have been long term. Mooching =

1/31/2010 7:10:52 AM

I moved twice in the last year. Leaving Raleigh was the biggest mistake of my life. Good luck.

1/31/2010 7:57:35 AM

I moved to BFE Oklahoma (well, not really, Norman) for a career job in Meteorology in August 2008. I had looked for nearly a year in NC to find something suitable, and found nothing. So eventually I got fed up and just decided to take the first decent job anywhere, and that's how I ended up here.

I would say overall, living here wouldn't be bad if you were looking to settle down with family and stuff. But this state is absolutely terrible for young professionals, like myself, that still like to go out and have fun. Norman itself just has a few bars, and most of them are just for the college/frat crowds. OKC has areas like Bricktown that aren't bad (full of restaurants and bars, OKC Thunder, AAA baseball), but there are very, very few places to live nearby. OKC metro area also apparently has the highest amount of fast food restaurants per person than any other place in the US, which shows amongst its population (fatty fat fats).

Also, most in this state are very conservative (only state with all counties going red in the 2008 election). It's like everything is set back about 20 years compared to other places, with no diverse culture. The best thing is that Dallas is about 2.5 to 3 hours south of here, so weekend trips to see concerts or do other stuff is a necessity (and Austin is a few more hours south).

The weather here is absolutely terrible. About 2 months of the year is severe weather season (April/May) which can be exciting for people that like storm chasing for tornadoes/hail/lightning. Winter sucks balls. It gets really fucking cold and windy (sometimes 40-45 mph from the north), usually with little precipitation (this winter is an anomaly due to El Nino--but that still sucks with the 1.5" ice, 1" sleet, and 5-6 inches of snow all packing together to create this frozen shit mess). Once storm season passes, temps stay real hot as high pressurr tends to dominate the region through September (with temps at or near 100 regularly).

All in all, I wouldn't waste my time here if I didn't have to. Raleigh and the rest of NC is so much better--I never realized I would miss the most trivial things so much (like Cookout, Bojangles, Lily's Pizza, seafood, classy restaurants/bars, aesthetically pleasing buildings/areas). But most of all, I really miss family and friends (my father passes away this past November, and it has really magnified my feelings to get out of here). My plan is to start applying for jobs again (as now more experience should look more appealing to employers back east), and anywhere in NC/SC/GA would be fine with me, as I could take a lot more weekend trips to NC than I can now.

1/31/2010 11:20:00 AM

Quote :

"Raleigh and the rest of NC is so much better--I never realized I would miss the most trivial things so much (like Cookout, Bojangles, Lily's Pizza, seafood, classy restaurants/bars, aesthetically pleasing buildings/areas). But most of all, I really miss family and friends..."

Exactly.

1/31/2010 11:32:19 AM

I suppose if the pay is high enough i would about move almost anywhere.

For only marginal pay increase I would be pretty picky.

1.) I could not live somewhere that is exceptionally cold. (I.E Michigan, upstate NY, North Dakota).

2.) Unless i was married and ready to settle down I would not want to move to ButtFuck nowhere like Norman Ok ( ^ post above) or even some place like Kinston NC.

3.) Even though i would not mind moving to the west coast; my current g/f would need some heavy convincing. Somehow she has a logical fallacy that NC to NY (a 12 hour drive) is an "ok distance to her family", but Cali to NY is to far (4-5 hour flight)

1/31/2010 11:35:26 AM

Nah, I own a house, plus the cost of living is pretty sweet here.

1/31/2010 11:52:41 AM

I moved at the beginning of the year. I graduated in college last May, and two of my major interviewing companies in NC decided to pull the rug out from under their job opportunities, so I was working a temp job with the NC government (nothing in my field, bored the shit out of me). Nothing in NC was really hiring in the field I'm in. Most needed experience, of which I didn't have enough. I finally got a decent offer in the Chicago, IL area.

My SO of four years is still in college, and has a really wonderful job when he graduates. He's getting paid more than me, and it's a really, really nice job. I couldn't ask him to move up here, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even if I did. It's probably going to be me moving back, if I want to stay in the relationship. I would hope that if I did that, we'd at least take our relationship to the next level.

The move has been tough. I know no one here. I have an aunt one high school guy that is up in IL, but not near me. The situation at work is really weird - most of the people I interact with are in their 30s or 40s, and even then, I'm their boss of sorts. I get along with them really well, but.. it's a bit weird. I don't live or work in downtown Chicago, I'm out in the suburbs. I'm pretty lonely.

I told myself I would give it a year. And I'm sticking to it. I really enjoy the work - it keeps me busy, I feel like I'm learning things, and I have that accomplished feeling at the end of the day. I'm using the knowledge I gained in college. I have the feeling I could get really far in this company. But, I'm so lonely, and struggling with trying to find, and make, friends. I think maybe it would be different if I was in downtown, or had more people at work that were my age.

1/31/2010 12:09:19 PM

I'm in the exact same situation Stacy.

1/31/2010 1:57:05 PM

it's really depends on which city you're moving to.

1/31/2010 3:03:46 PM

Depends on the city. The SO knows that he'll probably have to move once I graduate but I'd only pick a place where he could find a job easily.

1/31/2010 3:26:02 PM

Actually, my SO is about to move 5 hours away from me to Greenville, NC. With our dog. And our car.

I have no friends or family in the entire state of VA.

FML

1/31/2010 4:16:05 PM

3 years ago I decided to move for a new job/new adventures. I also needed to live in a warmer climate bc of severe seasonal affective disorder. It was an easy decision to make.

Luckily, I didn't have a significant other. That said, even if I had one, I probably would have moved. I was miserable.

Life has been ten times better since moving. I didn't know anyone in Orlando when I moved, but my friends here are amazing. And I'm very active in the community. Sometimes you just have to get more involved in the community. Then it's easier to make friends and truly love your city. I play in local athletic leagues and I'm president of a chapter of Toastmasters. These have been great for helping me make friends.

One downside: I miss my family, but I visit NC often.

Would I move again? Yes, but only to another warm locale. Or back to NC. I love moving.

Would I support a significant other? Maybe. I think I'll be single for life though.

1/31/2010 6:15:41 PM

well that would be a waste of very good quality genes

[Edited on January 31, 2010 at 6:21 PM. Reason : s]

1/31/2010 6:21:02 PM

Haha, I don't think the world needs me to pass along my genes.

1/31/2010 6:23:50 PM

that's true.

1/31/2010 6:24:25 PM

I moved to Australia about a year ago with my SO. We lived there for six months. She got a job there, we sold everything we owned and took off. best thing i/we ever did.

When we came back we moved to Boston before we even had jobs. I since found a good job and things are great.

Leaving Raleigh was the best thing that ever happened to me. Job/pay increase or not, i'd def recommend leaving Raleigh. Its a big world out there...

1/31/2010 7:26:16 PM

yes and yes. i'm still looking at trying to get back out to arizona, but only if i get a job first this time

1/31/2010 7:33:52 PM

Ditto what danny said. It's a big world.

While Raleigh may be comfortable, you can truly test your limits by getting outside of your comfort zone. There's so much excitement in exploring a new city. And moving can be an opportunity to cut yourself from baggage ... Friends, family, bad experiences. You can start fresh and really live your best life.

1/31/2010 7:41:47 PM

moving away from home isn't for everyone

neither is staying within a 100mi radius of where one has always lived

honestly, moving is a major life change and its usually for the better if you get out and try something new and talk to strangers. again, this is not for everyone.

at the end of the day, if you move and it sucks, you can always go back. home will always be there, opportunities to get to know yourself better aren't as easy to find, i'd recommend taking them when you can. if shit hits the fan, you can always leave.

your experiences shape you. if you're passing up experiences, you're passing up an opportunity to uncover something new inside yourself (/hallmark card)

1/31/2010 8:06:01 PM

i think its easier to meet people when you first move to a new city rather than after you've been there for a while. when you first move you are still excited about exploring the city. once you've been there a while, the 'new' wears off and you settle into a routine. its hard (for me at least) to break out of that routine.

there may be other contributing factors, but that's another thread.

1/31/2010 8:56:04 PM

I moved from Raleigh to DC back in June. Had a "very SO" at the time.

I was laid off from my job in Raleigh, and we'd talked about moving to a city together. About a month after I was laid off, I applied for and was offered this job. Big raise, big promotion. Very, very worth it, even with the increased cost of living in DC.

She was still in school. She stayed in Raleigh with the intention of moving to DC in December and we'd go on with our lives here.

Ended up breaking up, but that was totally for the best.

Moral of the story is moving away from Raleigh was the best thing I've ever done. I would do it again 100 times out of 100.

1/31/2010 9:07:30 PM

Quote :

"i think its easier to meet people when you first move to a new city rather than after you've been there for a while. when you first move you are still excited about exploring the city. once you've been there a while, the 'new' wears off and you settle into a routine. its hard (for me at least) to break out of that routine."

I definitely agree with this. That's the slump I've hit currently where I live as far as social life goes. Good thing I'm moving away from here in August

1/31/2010 9:18:53 PM

I've had a slightly different set of circumstances that went with my moves.

I've lived in three places. I was born in, grew up in, and spent the first 18 years on my tiny Indian reservation in western NY. I had a high school sweetheart that I was totally enamored with (and engaged to), whose mother took a job in Charlotte my senior year. We wanted to get out of WNY after graduating, and her mother offered to let us stay at her house while we got established so the week after I turned 18 we moved to Charlotte. We stayed at her mom's for about a month, and then got an apartment in S. Charlotte. I worked two kitchen jobs full-time, and the plan was to do that for a year so I could establish residency and then we would go to some university in NC. During that time, our relationship soured, and we split up, and I found myself with no friends or family in a strange place. I hated it there. I was a northerner trying to grow up in the South and had a really hard time making friends or even connecting with people because of the differences. There was nothing to do if you weren't 21, except college nights at Have a Nice Day Cafe downtown on Wednesdays. I absolutely did not want to move back home and was determined to make it work somehow. I made some friends in the restaurants that I worked at, and ultimately they were the only thing that kept me going. I discovered that NC State had a zoology program, the only one in the state, so I applied, was accepted, and moved to Raleigh in January of 2002.

I soon discovered that Raleigh was very much different then Charlotte and enjoyed it here. It got me out of the mindset that the whole South is this redneck hell hole, and I started trying new things. I got into the Carolina Hurricanes and learned about the rivalries of ACC play and embraced Wolfpack sports. I started volunteering at the NC Museum of Natural Sciences. I even got into the food, although I still don't like sweet tea. I was fortunate enough to land scholarships for study abroad programs and traveled to Costa Rica, South Africa, and Brazil over the course of the next four and a half years, and my eyes were really opened

Now here I am, I've been in NC for 10 years now, and I'm very comfortable. On the whole, I really like living in Raleigh, but I still don't think that this is my final destination. I'm single, unemployed, and have a few really good friends here. But there's nothing tying me down, and I've only got a few more years here (in my mind) until I move and go to grad school somewhere. Raleigh will always have a place in my heart and I will always be open to returning here. I hate moving, I really do, but I look forward to opening a new chapter in the near future and seeing what some other place has in store for me.

2/1/2010 2:32:32 PM

I would move but it would have to be a city that I would enjoy. I grew up in Va Beach, moved to C-ville for school, then Raleigh for more school. After spending my whole life traveling the East Coast I am trying very hard to make it out to the Mountain West/West Coast for at least a few years. When I get a good job offer I will definitely pick up and move without a second thought.

2/1/2010 5:10:11 PM

I would definitely want to move somewhere that's very different from my current city. In fact, when I was afraid of getting laid off, I made plans to move to Costa Rica and just backpack for several months ... and possibly just stay indefinitely.

Other city options: San Diego, Austin, Los Angeles

2/1/2010 6:11:00 PM

Quote :

"Quote : "Raleigh and the rest of NC is so much better--I never realized I would miss the most trivial things so much (like Cookout, Bojangles, Lily's Pizza, seafood, classy restaurants/bars, aesthetically pleasing buildings/areas). But most of all, I really miss family and friends..." Exactly."

Totally. I moved to Charleston, WV right out of NC State. Hated it. Moved back to NC 9 months later and haven't looked back. I've visited ~35 states and about 4 countries since, but I love calling NC my home base. Wouldn't live anywhere else.

2/2/2010 2:36:13 AM

Quote :

"I moved to Charleston, WV right out of NC State. Hated it."

There was your problem

In seriousness, I liked WV when I visited but I couldn't imagine in a million years choosing to live there.

2/2/2010 4:33:58 AM

I am in the military and I have to move all the time. This time we are in upstate New York for three years, which is by far the longest of I think 8 cities and 10 different houses/apartments in the past 11 years for us.

I have gotten to the point where I am pretty much numb to moving, but honestly it really sucks and there are a lot of things you have to consider. Obviously the first is family and friends. I see my parents maybe once a year if I am lucky. If you are any significant distance away than this is probably eventually going to be the case too. You only get so much vacation, and plane tickets are expensive, and it gets to the point that you just won't want to fly and see them or drive every time you happen to get some time off. And basically forget about any friends you have. Sure, you might talk to them occasionally and maybe even see the really great ones if your lucky, but for me, beyond Facebook, I pretty much know realistically I will not be seeing these people again. It sucks really bad, but like I said I have been able to "numb" myself, while my wife still often makes really great friends and then is crushed when we have to leave.

Other things to consider may not be as apparent. Things you really like to do might not be as easy to find. For instance Raleigh was a college town so there were lots of good restaraunts, activities like frisbee golf, people of my age group and interests, etc. This stuff may be easy to overlook and say "That's not that big of a deal" but honestly it's a huge deal. I really hated living in Washington because it rained all the time, the restaraunts seemed to suck for the most part, and there just didn't seem to be much to do. Other places I have loved (Charleston, SC, Raleigh). Oh yeah, and if you go to church, switching is a pretty big deal (I found that in the past before I stopped going).

Weather is a big factor too. Raleigh, IMO is awesome. I grew up in West Virginia which has similar weather, so that's a big factor. But I have lived in intense heat/humidity in Orlando, bitter cold and a shit-ton of snow in New York, and constant rain in Washington. Some people are able to rise above the weather so to speak, but not me. It affects what I feel like going out and doing and unfortunately, kind of dictates my mood sometimes. I guess what I am saying is that a lot of people tend to brush off weather and say "Oh I'll get used to that no problem...." Maybe you will, but it is a huge factor.

And of course you have to ask yourself if you really are getting a $25K pay raise. Obviously depending on taxes, cost of living, cost of housing, etc you could even be taking a step down in your standard of living. Plus, how secure is your new job in comparison and what are the advancement opportunities. Moving is a big deal and I wish I never had to do it.... obviously I picked a crappy profession for this kind of attitude, but I guess I am just tired of all the things I have to deal with every few years.

I don't know if you have children either but that's a whole new ball of wax. Seeing grandparents, finding a good school system, safe neighborhood, etc...

2/2/2010 5:29:40 AM

Quote :

"I moved to Australia about a year ago with my SO. We lived there for six months. She got a job there, we sold everything we owned and took off. best thing i/we ever did. When we came back we moved to Boston before we even had jobs. I since found a good job and things are great. Leaving Raleigh was the best thing that ever happened to me. Job/pay increase or not, i'd def recommend leaving Raleigh. Its a big world out there..."

ha, yea australia looks like it could really be an awesome place to live, it's just so damn far away though

2/2/2010 9:21:38 PM

I'm kind of concerned about moving back to Raleigh. Most of my good friends have left the area and I don't want to be pulled into the same old habits I left four years ago. And I also don't want to be dealing with family bullshit on a regular basis. It's been kind of nice not having to hear them constantly complaining for all this time.

2/3/2010 6:28:07 PM