Despite the car-related subject matter of the silent argument to follow, I felt this was better suited to "life questions" because it's about deciding whether to bite my tongue.

So here's the deal: My mother in law wants a volvo c70. It's not a bad car, but it's expensive as shit, especially compared with the arguably better-driving, more efficient, better looking, and 15-20 grand cheaper volvo c30.

My in-laws have spent their entire lives being careful with money, my wife's father putting off buying a miata even though he wanted one, for like a decade. And even then, he still forced himself to find a real bargain before he'd allow himself that. He throws newspapers every morning in addition to his regular job. My momnlaw is a schoolteacher. They're nearly empty-nesters and have slowly renovated their house over the last 7 years that I've known them and done most of the labor themselves. Aside from the miata, they have always run a fleet of beat-up volvos and corollas and other cars bought for maximum reliability per unit $.

So now, from out of nowhere, I hear that momnlaw wants to go buy a $35k, nearly-new, certain-to-break hardtop convertible? wtf? Woman, your man scraped by for a decade to spend $9k on his miata, and now that everything in the house but a bathroom is finished you're going to insist on THAT one? individual validity of varying personal tastes aside, she's NOT a critical consumer on this issue and there's dozens of other choices that are nearly as desirable to her and would potentially cost HALF or less the cost she's going to inflict on dadnlaw by insisting upon this overweight, overwrought, scuttle-shaking, jelly-steered, whooshing I-5 turbo with-a-slushbox and no grip nor gas mileage or low insurance behemoth. Silhouette aside, the c70 is a pretty repulsive automobile against the automotive landscape. It puts a single compromised feature above every other function in a way that even tiny sports cars don't,

I'm trying to push her toward a better driving car that's older and won't be such a depreciation nightmare: something like a bmw 328ci or 330ci convertible. Or at least something that's fully depreciated already, like a well-used jag xk8 if she has to buy a car that is going to cost as much in repairs as it would be to purchase. And really, she's just not going to use the damn top anyway (ooh, its so windy!), and she might as well have a volvo c30, which would satisfy pretty much everything the c70 would deliver upon, and then some, all while costing a fuckton less and likely holding its value a lot better while not including the agony of seeing a metal folding roof structure creak slower-and-slower as the years pass.

But put the car stuff aside for a second. Maybe I shouldn't have even said it. I initially mentioned these thoughts, and stopped when I saw her getting frustrated, and so I've been biting my tongue for a couple of days now, but I really can't think of a good reason not to voice my opinion. I mean, these people clip coupons like crazy and pinch pennies... it just seems so f*cking selfish to be so unyielding as to her choice

11/29/2009 7:57:11 AM

It seems like she is being completely selfish. And will probably get what she wants. But it isn't your place to fight with her.

11/29/2009 8:03:15 AM

arguing with a mother in law can sometimes cause issues between yourself and your wife.

tell your wife what your thoughts are, see if she thinks it's worth saying something. if she doesn't then stay out of it.

11/29/2009 8:09:30 AM

Honestly, unless its your money, I think you need to mind your own business, and you shouldn't have said anything in the first place.


[Edited on November 29, 2009 at 8:20 AM. Reason : .]

11/29/2009 8:14:18 AM

This will just get you in trouble.... I would get over it. You voiced your opinion.

Regardless of whether you are right or worng, this is something she wants. She is probably 50+ and doesn't really need some "kid" telling her repeatedly that she's making a stupid decision. This may be the first and last really nice thing she ever buys (I mean she may only live 15 more years.... who knows.) So I would drop this.

11/29/2009 8:15:28 AM

To recap:

As long as you are not paying for it, not your business.

No one's call but your parents'-in-law.

You're going to get yourself in trouble for trying to tell your mother-in-law what to do.

11/29/2009 8:56:16 AM

Quote :

"Honestly, unless its your money, I think you need to mind your own business, and you shouldn't have said anything in the first place."

agreed. it's not your place AT ALL to say something about it. if you have to get if off your chest, tell your wife. this is very shaky ground and i wouldn't tread on it. period.

11/29/2009 9:11:49 AM

I agree with others in that how your in-laws spend their money is none of your concern. If they've decided to spend money on a vehicle, it's not your place to dissect/criticize/make assumptions about how they arrived at that decision, or how selfish one may or may not be. However, it is not out of place for you (as a family member) to make recommendations about a quality purchase. If they aren't receptive, drop it--it is not your job to manage your in-laws' lives.

That being said, you probably should have applied basic people skills. It sounds like you told your mother-in-law her choice is wrong and then listed all kinds of shit she probably doesn't care about. It's no wonder she got frustrated.

11/29/2009 10:25:39 AM

if you were some kind of car expert and she wanted advice on handling or other aspects of the car, that would be one thing. But how much she spends on it is between her and her husband.

11/29/2009 10:51:32 AM

I had a similar situation in which I spent a lot of time researching a new HDTV for my in-laws (on their request!)... I arrived at the best value for the money (Samsung obviously)... and recommended a couple of websites and brick&mortars where they could buy it.

Next thing I hear, they had gone to Radio Shack and spent 40% more on a POS tv with half the resolution and crappy contrast.

Know what I said?.... "Wow! That is so awesome! We can't wait to come over and check it out - you're going to be so happy with it... bla bla bla"

11/29/2009 10:58:02 AM

No fucking way would I sweep that under the rug solinari. They insulted you and you took it and asked for more. If they ASK for my time and opinion then they better not waste it. I'd refuse to ever look at their shitty TV. The problem with parents and in-laws is that they refuse to see that your time has value, and will waste it all willy nilly unless you put your foot down and tell them not to walk all over you.

11/29/2009 12:00:28 PM

^your problem is that you operate under the assumption that other people use logic in every day life. The average person who asks for help when buying something [ie not wiling to research] will listen to just about anybody sell them anything, and thats nothing to get riled up over. In the end they probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference anyways. Can't blame simple people for being simple.

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

11/29/2009 12:21:34 PM

Don't cause drama with your in-laws. I thought this was like one of the top rules of what not to do when gettin hitched.

11/29/2009 12:40:39 PM

Quote :

"Honestly, unless its your money, I think you need to mind your own business, and you shouldn't have said anything in the first place."

Topics certain to cause heated conversations:
- Kids
- Religion
- Politics
- Money
- Other deeply held beliefs / lifestyle choices

You can be the good son-in-law and discuss with your wife. Ultimately, their decision for how they want to spend their money, right/wrong/happy/unhappy.

11/29/2009 12:41:16 PM

^^^^ Conceited much?





Oh wait, it's lewoods.

http://www.thewolfweb.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=570713
http://www.thewolfweb.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=524636
http://www.thewolfweb.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=519888
http://www.thewolfweb.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=519856

[Edited on November 29, 2009 at 12:53 PM. Reason : ]

11/29/2009 12:42:43 PM

Honestly dude why do you care what your mother in law buys.

Unless it is your parents or your father-inlaw requested you to help convince his wife to get a cheaper auto; then why do you give a shit?

My girlfriends mom is trading in her Cadillac STS which she got new, 3 years ago, and is now getting an Acura RL. Yet whines how broke she is. People make stupid choices that are illogical, especially when concerning cars.

[Edited on November 29, 2009 at 12:47 PM. Reason : l]

11/29/2009 12:47:08 PM

No, not your bidness, danmangt40. If you think somebody is being taken advantage of, is mentally ill, etc...you should intervene. Otherwise, it's not your money...yet.

11/29/2009 12:59:52 PM

i'd probably be thinking the exact same thing and want to smack her for being a selfish idiot..but, it's their money.

11/29/2009 1:00:28 PM

I would think the key thing to learn from this situation is to point your wife towards her parents' situation, smack her in the nose with a rolled up newspaper while repeatedly saying "no" and hoping she doesn't rinse and repeat on what her mother just did to her father.

It's your (well-informed) opinion vs her 'want' for being frugal most of her life. Hell you haven't even said what the father in law thinks, he may even want the damn thing himself. Let them learn and move on.

11/29/2009 1:25:57 PM

NONE

OF

YOUR

BUSINESS

11/29/2009 2:04:35 PM

jesus, here goes danmangt40 with another fucking useless wall of text about cars




keep this shit in the garage, motherfucker



and for the record, what they do with their money is none of your fucking business

[Edited on November 29, 2009 at 2:17 PM. Reason : you pretentious sack of shit]

11/29/2009 2:16:02 PM

Get out of here with that troll shit, kiljadn

11/29/2009 3:05:13 PM

I SHANT

11/29/2009 3:06:53 PM

Quote :

"http://www.thewolfweb.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=519888 http://www.thewolfweb.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=519856"

wow.

11/29/2009 3:06:59 PM

Quote :

"Regardless of whether you are right or worng, this is something she wants. She is probably 50+ and doesn't really need some "kid" telling her repeatedly that she's making a stupid decision. This may be the first and last really nice thing she ever buys (I mean she may only live 15 more years.... who knows.) So I would drop this. "

There are my thoughts…

If they are this old, and have been good with money, then they deserve to splurge it on whatever they want. As long as they’re not spending themselves into debt, it doesn’t matter if the car she’s buying isn’t the most “efficient” choice… people like their toys, and that’s apparently what this car is.

11/29/2009 6:30:39 PM

Why do you care so much?

11/29/2009 6:42:34 PM

Dude, let them make their own decisions, even the arguably stupid/silly ones. Trust me on this one

11/29/2009 7:07:28 PM

Not your money, no big deal.

Not your problem that your father in law is getting walked all over for this retarded car purchase either. If he has an issue with it HE will be the one to man up and tell his wife she's making a dumb choice. No need for you to intervene.

11/29/2009 7:14:08 PM

You will not want to hear any of her negative opinions about purchases you will make in the future. So, keep biting your tongue.

11/29/2009 7:14:38 PM

Keep pushing her to make the right decision.

I hope it breaks down 2 months later and then she blames you for the next 15 years she's on this planet

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

[Edited on November 29, 2009 at 7:25 PM. Reason : ]

11/29/2009 7:24:53 PM

I thought everyone knew the cardinal rule of not getting involved with decisions your in-laws make

11/29/2009 7:41:36 PM

NO I THINK YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT. BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOU KNOW CARS AND HAVE YOUR OWN FAR BETTER OPINIONS.

11/29/2009 7:41:52 PM

If every son in-law was as thoughtful and assertive as danmangt40 Lincoln would have done this world a favor by going bankrupt 15 years ago and i would not cringe every time I see some little old grandma/grandpa nearly sideswipe me in a crown vic or be driving 55 on I40 in their Buick LeSabre's



Say no to station wagons

[Edited on November 29, 2009 at 7:51 PM. Reason : l]

11/29/2009 7:50:29 PM

not your place.

also, the c70 is a piece of garbage. volvo purchased many back due them being lemons.

11/29/2009 11:37:54 PM

^^Lol, I initially thought the mention of Lincoln was a dig at me (I drive a Lincoln ls v8), but I appreciate the implied compliment, I think. Thank you.

everyone else, I really appreciate how many of the replies genuinely avoided tdub-avatar-pileon. Kiljadn, c'mon man. There's hardly any car stuff in there and the length is pretty modest compared to a lot of my posts. I'm working on initial post brevity.

I'm on good terms with my in-laws, and I often feel like I won the spouse-&-in-laws nc lottery. I'm a Jewish car freak engineer. Dating was brutal... I can't believe how lucky I am to have found a hot Jewish (convert!) scientist, let alone one that will listen to even a tenth of my car ramblings and one whose parents are so cool. So I'll definitely keep biting my tongue. I'm not about to ruin the good thing i've got going here.

Also, some ppl seemed to want to know:

- did they ask for my opinion? Yes they did, both of them. Dadnlaw even wanted to take me with them on a couple of trips to investigate some cars while we were in town for the thanksgiving weekend.

- why have I taken this more personally than I obviously know I ought to? I have to admit, if I thought my momnlaw was an insufferable car idiot and a generally belligerently irrational person, I'd have said less than I did before shutting up. But she's a sweet woman who has all-but-treated me as her own son and asked me for advice on many things before. She's also not usually irreceptive to honest advice from people who may have valuable information. The only people I've seen her be irrationally stiff with are restaurant employees. So I initially felt obliged to protest when they told me what they were shopping for.

I genuinely appreciate the honest content on this thread. Thank you. I feel a lot more comfortable in this holding position at the moment. They do occasionally ask me for specific info, even about the c70, and I guess I'll answer those, but otw I'll butt out.

Btw, another aggravating factor has been the "i don't want this for me!" of awkwardness between my inlaws in light of my relationship with their daughter. My wife is the spitting image of her mother and there is a way-more-than-accidental similarity of personality between my father in law and myself. The sorts of squabbles and outcomes in their marriage run eerily similar to the ones in my long relationship and now marriage with their daughter. So it's possible that I was a bit more pent-up on the issue because it felt like I was arguing with my own wife about not buying a pos.

Also, for the record, after I suggested they go drive a c30, they did and they both loved it, but momnlaw still wants the c70 because it's prettier and has a romance with convertibles.

Excellent replies though. Thanks. It'll be easier to let this go now.

11/30/2009 10:29:57 AM

I was thinking that's a sweet ass wagon up there.

11/30/2009 12:40:03 PM

so she wants something pretty? .....

well just find something better across the board, mention it, no reason to argue it at all, once some folks get their minds set you aren't gonna do anything but piss them off towards you...

11/30/2009 1:21:37 PM

She should get something that is more reliable and costs the same, or just as unreliable but much cheaper, or the best option, more reliable and cheaper.

Quote :

"Say no to station wagons"

Are you crazy? Europeans make some hot ass station wagons! And they love them over there... why? Because they provide all the utility of SUVs/SAVs/CUVs (that most people use), use less petrol, drive more car-like, and are tons better looking than those bloated ugly shits.

Audi (by far), Volvo, and Saab make the hottest wagons, followed by MB and BMW.

Cadillac has confirmed production of the CTS Wagon next year! And it looks great!!!

11/30/2009 1:47:57 PM

^^^that is a sweet wagon. as well as ^

HUR, wtf is that photo doing in this thread? Nobody is talking about wagons, let alone sweet looking ones like the above...

[Edited on November 30, 2009 at 2:11 PM. Reason : ^^]

11/30/2009 2:11:18 PM

Maybe hur was thinking of the v70?

11/30/2009 2:48:21 PM

What is the phrase? "Unsolicited advice is the worst kind"?

Seriously, dude, do whatever you can to make sure that this lady buys any car but the Volvo C30 you suggested. What happens if they take your advice for the one nice purchase in their miserable lives and the thing turns out to be a lemon? Thanksgivings will suck.

[Edited on November 30, 2009 at 3:20 PM. Reason : ]

11/30/2009 3:16:23 PM

telling's not selling.

take her for a test spin in some used 328ci or 330ci's, and show her how well those handle and how all the 'really cool' people drive bm's, all the while saying, "man this is such a good deal!".

11/30/2009 4:45:34 PM

^^they both asked. But I hear ya. If anything I suggest turns out to be less than they expected, they might hold it against me. If they're vindictive or spoiled or bitchy, which they are not. The reason why I suggested the c30 instead of the c70 rather than anything else (among c30-ish cars, I'd actually prefer the VW gti ) was because they're contemporaries of the same s40 parts, only the c30 is lighter, less complicated, and has more space. Anything wrong with a c30 is probably just as likely to happen to the c70, while lots of expensive or annoying things on a c70 could not even remotely happen. That the c30 is a better car to drive and afford is merely icing on the cake. I just didn't think $30k+ was the right price for them to commit to a wallowy, numb, hardtop suckmobile convertible. If that's what she was after, a Chrysler Sebring or Pontiac g6 ought to be right up her alley. But it isn't. She likes volvos. And driving them back to back, weighing priorities and then slapping ten grand or more on the hood of a c30 ought to make that a nobrainer for anybody. But it didn't. So I will neither admit she made the right decision nor hassle her about it. Or I'll try not to anyway. Shit, I could've much more easily gotten behind even a v70. Or the previous generation c70 coupe. But the current c70 is the dud of the Volvo line as far as I'm concerned.

11/30/2009 7:13:30 PM

Quote :

"I was thinking that's a sweet ass wagon up there."

TYPICAL, BOBBY

11/30/2009 8:25:35 PM

Son, what did I tell you about trolling in this thread?

11/30/2009 10:13:59 PM

^^^1/2 of the shit made by car manufacturers is taylored to stupid women who have no fucking clue what they're buying.

It's beyond me why people don't research the 2nd most expensive thing most of them ever buy, but I guess that's your typical stupid American for you.

11/30/2009 11:41:10 PM