Your best sexual experience stories are boring and noobish.

8/26/2009 12:36:46 PM

I can sum it up in 1 word: vaginosis

8/26/2009 12:38:09 PM

I raped my hand until my dick nearly fell off.

8/26/2009 12:38:48 PM

Me getting back spasms during.

Or

Her getting an awful cramp during.

8/26/2009 12:39:45 PM

Quote :

"SHIT ON DICK"

[Edited on August 26, 2009 at 12:40 PM. Reason : just kidding, but someone here has i'm sure, lol]

8/26/2009 12:40:24 PM

We were drunk and I stuck it in her pooper by accident on a power thrust.

She cried for what felt like forever.




[Edited on August 26, 2009 at 12:41 PM. Reason : POWER THRUST]

8/26/2009 12:41:08 PM

Quote :

"We were drunk and I stuck it in her pooper by accident. She cried for what felt like forever."

8/26/2009 12:41:43 PM

She was on top, things were going great, and to this day I don't know exactly what happened......a weird angle or something but it felt like my dick went head on into course pavement and felt a sharp pain....pulled out and I was bleeding out the tip. Went to doc..."penile hemorrhage" and the asshole doc was hesitant to give me pain killers at first....he did after some minor pleading. Was fine after a couple days but hurt like a motherfucker to piss

8/26/2009 12:48:01 PM

bitch thought she could deepthroat

bitch was wrong

puked on my stomach, dick, and balls

8/26/2009 12:48:15 PM

LOL. I am willing to bet that the majority of the stories in this thread involved excessive amounts of alcohol being consumed prior to sex.

8/26/2009 12:49:28 PM

two words: anal fissure

8/26/2009 12:50:13 PM

^^ *ding ding*

[Edited on August 26, 2009 at 12:50 PM. Reason : .]

8/26/2009 12:50:23 PM

my bad experiences are very similar to my good experiences....meaning i don't really have any


i can tell you the best and worst sex i've ever had...but very few of the actual "experiences" stick out as all that profound

8/26/2009 12:53:55 PM

Didn't want to have sex. He did. Ended up screaming and fighting a lot, cried for hours afterwards.

8/26/2009 1:07:50 PM

chapped dick

8/26/2009 1:24:58 PM

I've NEVER had ANY problems with erectile dysfunction...unless you count working it back up for round 3 or 4. And then once I manage to cram it in, I'm HARD again.

Except for once. This girl and I had been dating for a MONTH, maybe 5 weeks before we went to bed together. It came as a total surprise when we came back after watching an afternoon movie and ended up in the bedroom. AND DAMMIT, I couldn't get it up to save my life. I had been so nervous prior to our date (I'm like that with every woman I date) that I had popped 3 Ativan earlier that afternoon...AND had popped a bisoprolol (beta blocker; for my irregular heartbeat). No wonder I couldn't get it up.

I was shattered. She asked me to spend the night, and I replied that I had to go get my suitcase at at my buddy's (which I did). She told me that she worried I wasn't coming back when I returned.

No sex after that for two weeks (not logistically possible)...but then it happened. And it was pretty damn good.

8/26/2009 1:37:31 PM

Girl was riding me in the dark. Girl was getting 'really really wet and turned on' for me. Girl was on b/c, I eventually finished in her. Girl turned on lights and my entire lower torso down to my knees was covered with blood. Girl said she had her heaviest days on the first day...

8/26/2009 1:41:02 PM

That's lightweight.

Ex and I used to have period sex all the time. During period and the week after was when she was horniest.

I used to run to the bathroom after, pose in front of the mirror, and yell, "DEATH! By penile impalement!"

Came inside her once when we were camping; she was on top. As she was climbing off me, she dripped bloody splurf all over me. I had just busted the floodgates open.

8/26/2009 1:44:47 PM

^ winner

8/26/2009 1:45:45 PM

Period sex is awful.

8/26/2009 1:46:53 PM

chicks love getting down on the period. they are definitely most horny at these times

8/26/2009 1:51:43 PM

My mom walked in on me fapping to ladyboy porn. How embarrassing.

8/26/2009 1:52:55 PM

zx ftw.

8/26/2009 2:02:55 PM

what is splurf, nut ?

8/26/2009 2:04:49 PM

woke up with some random bar chick in her friend's bed -- woke up, because i realized she had pissed the bed and the wet spot was creeping to my side

so, i thought for a moment and then just got up and left and started walking back to ncsu area, realized i was way the fuck out in east raleigh near wendell. had to get a cab.

i'm sure she blamed the betwetting on "that dude", but i didnt care. it was better than dealing with her and her friend in person. i couldn't even remember her name.

of course, i never even got any sex that night, because she was so passed out drunk.







[Edited on August 26, 2009 at 2:17 PM. Reason : ]

8/26/2009 2:10:29 PM

am i wrong or doesn't a sexual experience need to include sex?

8/26/2009 2:16:12 PM

well that just wouldnt be a sexual experience then would it

[Edited on August 26, 2009 at 2:16 PM. Reason : damnit, beat me to it]

8/26/2009 2:16:16 PM

sex is like pizza. even bad sex is still pretty good. so the worst sex, is no sex.


[Edited on August 26, 2009 at 2:19 PM. Reason : ]

8/26/2009 2:18:05 PM

i mean...i'm pretty sure you can have sex with no real "experience" to go along with it...

but i'm pretty sure you have to have sex in order to have a sexual experience

[Edited on August 26, 2009 at 2:19 PM. Reason : ^ok...i can agree with you on that]

8/26/2009 2:18:23 PM

If some dude ran up to you at the bus stop and jizzed in your face, that'd be a fairly sexual experience, I bet.

8/26/2009 2:19:41 PM

well, i tried to jerk off on her before i left, but it got to be too awkward to complete.

i think that should count.

8/26/2009 2:20:12 PM

maybe for him


for me it would just make a good story for the "Describe your worst bus riding experience" thread

8/26/2009 2:21:03 PM

LOL

8/26/2009 2:22:01 PM

i just tried to post
new topic, "describe your worst bus riding experience"
post, "for me it was when some kid ran up and threw jizz on me"

but then i got reminded i wasted my thread of the hour on the stupid hebrew national hot dog parody

8/26/2009 2:24:18 PM

broke my right arm....had to go left

8/26/2009 2:24:35 PM

^^that's unfortunate

8/26/2009 2:41:09 PM

poopface has a great story about having jizz thrown on him

8/26/2009 2:43:25 PM

haha

8/26/2009 2:44:00 PM

is it the worst sexual experience poopface has ever had?

if so, by all means....... do tell

8/26/2009 2:46:59 PM

She was laying on her back and getting real into it. Suddenly she snaps up and hits me in the nose, which starts bleeding onto her. She then said "well, its a good thing you don't have aids"

We had a good laugh, so I guess it wasn't a 'worst' experience, but fuck that, I just post.

8/26/2009 3:04:27 PM

I can't remember any particularly bad ones, but I once dislocated a toe whilst in the throes of orgasm. It was really fucking awkward. "yea, yea, oh, oh, OH OW OH SHIT SHIT SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" Confused the hell out of my girlfriend.

8/26/2009 3:07:08 PM

Quote :

"She was laying on her back and getting real into it. Suddenly she snaps up and hits me in the nose, which starts bleeding onto her. She then said "well, its a good thing you don't have aids" "

and then i winked at her

8/26/2009 3:22:51 PM

This conversation between me and the lady at the time should probably say everything that needs be said:

Me: "Are you sure you want to do this?"
Her: "Yes. I want to try this so bad."
Me: "OK, if you say so..."
Her: "Ow ow OW OW OW FUCK TAKE IT OUT!!!"
Me: "I told you I didn't think it was a good idea."
Her: (sobbing)

8/26/2009 3:40:02 PM

My ex gf in high school & I decided we still hanging out but not dating...she was horny & we decided to try oral sex since we never did that (freshmen). She laid back on the bed & I went to pull off her panties & then she farted in my face.

I never ate teh poon after that.

8/26/2009 3:52:05 PM

^^ well, goddamn son. you can't just go from 0 to 60 in a couple seconds.

spit.
finger.
lube.
another finger.
etc.

warm into it.

shit.




[Edited on August 26, 2009 at 3:52 PM. Reason : ]

8/26/2009 3:52:09 PM

You may rest assured that I had followed the procedure you describe. It proved inadequate.

8/26/2009 3:56:27 PM

Quote :

" Me: "Are you sure you want to do this?" Her: "Yes. I want to try this so bad." Me: "OK, if you say so..." Her: "Ow ow OW OW OW FUCK TAKE IT OUT!!!" Me: "I told you I didn't think it was a good idea." Her: (sobbing)"

fisting?

8/26/2009 3:57:12 PM

it's a pretty tried and true method

maybe YOU proved inadequate

8/26/2009 3:57:23 PM

getting caught by parents, twice

so i guess that means i have a tie

8/26/2009 4:00:05 PM

perhaps the dildo you were using was too big

8/26/2009 4:00:08 PM