...if you're no longer a member of a church? And NO this will NOT be happening at the magistrate's office.

Actually, we really want my future bro-in-law to conduct the ceremony. As I've been told, you just need an officiant there to verify that both parties are entering into the marriage voluntarily and to sign the marriage license.

Future bro-in-law did get ordained through ULC way back (but the reason for his conducting the ceremony isn't because of that)...but from what I understand, marriages performed by ULC ordained ministers are of questionable legality.

Anybody able to shed some light on these issues? Much thanks is in order if so.

12/11/2008 8:12:36 PM

lawyers can do it, i went to a huge private wedding in martinsville and they had a lawyer

12/11/2008 8:26:37 PM

in nc, magistrates are the only people able to conduct civil ceremonies

[Edited on December 11, 2008 at 8:36 PM. Reason : whether you could finagle a certificate for a ULC minister, idk]

12/11/2008 8:34:37 PM

I'll do it

12/11/2008 8:54:24 PM

tdub certified?

12/11/2008 9:06:44 PM

http://www.aweddingminister.com/raleigh_north_carolina_wedding_minister.htm

Rev. Middleton got FroshKiller and me hitched. Great success.

12/11/2008 9:13:02 PM

Thanks for that info...what kind of fees, etc. were involved?

12/11/2008 9:31:22 PM

My best friend actually got her officiant license online. We called the court house and everything and they said it was legal.

HOWEVER...they said they had 1 case in NC where an online ordained person was not upheld in court during a divorce hearing, and the judge ruled in favor that the couple hadn't even been legally married.

That being said, my husband and I just got married the day before the wedding at the courthouse to get our "legal" document, and our friend married us at our ceremony.

12/11/2008 10:48:44 PM

get a boat Captain to do it for you

also, me and the wife looked online for officiants in the area and found a few, check out theknot.com for some names. Get on it early though, cause some officiants will have a problem with marrying a non-religious couple. Also, they will likely make you and the fiance go through some sort of "marriage counseling" so the officiant feels confortable with marrying you

we wound up getting my moms pastor to marry us, he's known me for years and still made us meet with him twice to do the "marriage counseling" thing. I wasnt aware that this was a common practice, so be warned

12/11/2008 11:00:50 PM

whos gonna be the best nikkra?

dibs if Jeepman hasn't already called it

12/12/2008 8:21:06 AM

^^silly boys

ours doesn't do marriage counselling, and i'm trying to find an outside counsellor that we can see a few times beforehand

12/12/2008 9:25:58 AM

^He never really said it was "marriage counseling" He really just wanted to sit down with us and get to know us and make sure we had a solid foundation of support and that we knew what we were doing.
I thought the whole pre marital counseling was a stupid idea but it actually made me feel better talking about it and getting to know the pastor. And after we were done I was able to talk to him more freely. I was able to voice my opinions about me being agnostic and not wanting too much religious talk in my wedding.

So it worked out well!

12/12/2008 9:46:05 AM

Quote :

"make sure we had a solid foundation of support and that we knew what we were doing."

'solid foundation of support'?
Your words/idea, or his?

Please to explain

12/12/2008 10:03:44 AM

That sounds kinda hokey, but he wanted to make sure our families were behind us and supported our decision. He also wanted to know our family background (both our parents are divorced) and how we felt about that and divorce in general. Then of course he wanted to make sure we weren't just starting out and jumping into anything. We had been dating over 3 years so he asked that and then skipped over anything concerning that.

He did speak a lot about divorce though, as in trying to work through anything before coming to that. I think he just wanted to make sure that he wasn't marrying two people who would cop out of the relationship during hard times.

Or maybe I'm putting to much into why he talked to us? Maybe he just wanted to get to us as a couple.

12/12/2008 10:09:57 AM

I definitely think that marriage counseling is a good idea...especially if you have some areas in your relationship where you need improvement. Sometimes it takes a third party with a more objective perspective (though I'll have to admit, most clergy can't or don't have a totally objective perspective) to help you realize your own shortcomings and act on them.

I did marriage counseling the first go-round...I think it was six sessions with an Episcopal minister in Raleigh who was super nice and very objective...AND very down to earth. Looking back, I remember a few of the biggest arguments my ex and I had were on our way to our appointments. And it was basically about discussing some of our problems in counseling. Go figure! She basically threatened to walk out if we brought up some issues.

My aunt (my godmother, dad's youngest sister, and one of my best alltime friends, who is also an Episcopal pastor) married us, and I would feel totally bad about asking her to do it again, because of how my first marriage ended up. I don't want to put that kind of burden on her again, not that I expect to get divorced again, knock on wood.

To add, why they bring up divorce so often? Well, for obvious reasons from a religious perspective (ESPECIALLY if you're Catholic). But from a secular perspective, it's one of the most stressing things a couple can go through, short of losing a child. That's my opinion anyway. Most folks are gonna do what they want anyway, but I can see why a pastor would be wary of officiating a ceremony that eventually ended up in disaster.

[Edited on December 12, 2008 at 10:15 AM. Reason : blah blah..]

12/12/2008 10:12:29 AM

the word "counselling" is messing up the picture. other than a get to know, it's the discussion of the solid foundation like you're saying...i think that's important. yeah we can say we got that, but i don't think it hurts to talk about it with an outside party.

i know megan and ingle did before getting married--but the catholic church requires it.

12/12/2008 10:27:46 AM

If you Google "wedding officiants raleigh, nc" (or whatever city you're in) you'll find plenty of them. They're all usually willing to do the ceremony even if you're not a church person, because the non-church people are normally the kind of people that search for an officiant, you know? All the church people have a preacher to do the service. And most of the officiants won't even try to get you to go to church, haha.

My officiant was $200, and I would have tipped her about $50, but she forgot the vows at home (yes, the vows!) and had to go home to get them, making my wedding start 20mins late!! Don't hire Rev. Deborah Cannady. We nicknamed her "Sister Preacher".

12/12/2008 10:36:44 AM

^definitely been doing the googling. There are lots. I'd just like to know of some with whom people have had good experiences.

BTW, thanks for the tip, Sonia. I think we're gonna meet her and check her out.

12/12/2008 10:50:01 AM

I've heard that a lot of people will do a civil ceremony first and then have a friend marry them at the real ceremony in front of all their friends and family. Then there is no worry about whether your marriage is legal or not.

12/12/2008 11:03:21 AM

Referring to Sonia's post:

That's our officiant too!!!! Kayelily Middleton; she has a great blog and she did a friend of our's wedding also-- everyone had such good things to say about her.

[Edited on December 12, 2008 at 12:40 PM. Reason : add in]

12/12/2008 12:31:18 PM

just do it in vegas you pansy

12/12/2008 6:35:12 PM

gimme some money you bastard.

12/12/2008 11:32:11 PM

get the brother in law to do it

punchmonk and i wanted her uncle to do it. so he did it. NC has no jurisdiction over what makes a minister ordained. they could be an ordained minister of the "zxappeal church of gettin married" and NC can't say squat.

12/13/2008 12:33:27 AM

No, but ULC-ordained officiants conducting marriages is, according to NC law, highly questionable and not recognized.

Bro-in-law is ordained ULC

12/13/2008 1:03:47 AM

that dude at the top is spongebob incarnate

12/13/2008 1:20:18 AM

Quote :

"get a boat Captain to do it for you also, me and the wife looked online for officiants in the area and found a few, check out theknot.com for some names. Get on it early though, cause some officiants will have a problem with marrying a non-religious couple. Also, they will likely make you and the fiance go through some sort of "marriage counseling" so the officiant feels confortable with marrying you we wound up getting my moms pastor to marry us, he's known me for years and still made us meet with him twice to do the "marriage counseling" thing. I wasnt aware that this was a common practice, so be warned"

Most boat captains can't marry people. It doesn't count. So if she won't give it up until she's married, just get fake-married on a boat.

I read once that some naval programs specifically forbid captains from conducting ceremonies.

12/13/2008 2:00:02 AM

has anybody heard of/used Robin Renteria? http://www.uuweddingminister.com/

also, what's reasonable when it comes to fees for an officiant? rev. renteria's fee is $500.

i looked up UU (unitarian univeralism) on wikipedia. haven't seen anything horrible yet. thoughts? we're aiming for non-religious, which is what this lady does.

[Edited on January 19, 2009 at 1:44 PM. Reason : ]

1/19/2009 1:43:15 PM