for the guys: would you be offended if your future wife didn't want to take your last name?

for the ladies: will you or have you taken your future husbands last name?

7/12/2007 10:25:19 AM

I had a SOC professor who married a chick like this. They felt it "degraded the female" to just take his name, so they settled on combining the two with a hyphen in between, like Jonna Brown-Smith.

I find it retarded, but to each his/her own.


[Edited on July 12, 2007 at 10:28 AM. Reason : .]

7/12/2007 10:28:18 AM

you'd have to have a pretty damned good reason.

7/12/2007 10:28:47 AM

7/12/2007 10:30:29 AM

for the ladies: I will.

7/12/2007 10:30:45 AM

it was never a question for us - my wife took my name - i can't imagine it would have been a deal breaker but guys with hyphens get laughed at by other men

the one decent exception is if she keeps her name for a business reason - if her name was established in her line of business already - actress or some other profession where it was important for her career possibly

7/12/2007 10:31:41 AM

took my husbands name, didn't think twice about it.

7/12/2007 10:33:34 AM

Yeah, I don't think there would be a good reason not to take your husbands name...it could get especially confusing if you were to have kids. But being a grad student, a lot of the women don't because either they published before they were married and don't want to have two names out there or whatever.

7/12/2007 10:33:56 AM

^ i know a few women that once they were published they kept their own name

you know none of this really matters or is a deal breaker

7/12/2007 10:37:13 AM

it would probably weird me out a little if she didn't have a business or career reason for wanting to keep her name (being published, famous, whatever)

but it wouldn't be a deal breaker

7/12/2007 10:39:08 AM

I posted in another thread (I think) regarding this same subject how my friends (very granola) are planning on coming up with a new last name instead of hyphens or changing names or whatever. Granted they've almost been married a year and they haven't done so yet...but that was the original plan.

Like I said, they're granola.

7/12/2007 10:46:14 AM

Taking my fiance's name in April!

and i never thought twice about it, even though for the rest of my life people will be asking me "how do you pronouce your last name?"

7/12/2007 10:47:33 AM

i think it's hilarious when people have hyphenated names. it seems very retarded.

i wouldn't be offended if whomever i married didn't want my last name. as it is, it's very hard to pronounce.

7/12/2007 10:48:04 AM

Wouldn't bother me.

7/12/2007 10:48:32 AM

When a woman marries a man, her blood, lineage, ancestors, parents, etc. (and in interracial cases, ethnicity, race, etc) don't magically change.

That's my take on it.

If women want to voluntarily change their name out of devotion/love/whatever without being asked, that's up to them.

But they should never be asked, or even hinted towards that.

Again, that's my take on it.

7/12/2007 10:52:50 AM

I knew a couple who just kept their names upon marriage then hyphenated their kids names... that fucking sucks for them.

What if Bobby Joe-Brown married Sandy Smith-Higgins

would the kid be Bobby Joe-Brown-Smith-Higgins Jr?



I think a woman is a bitch if she doesn't take the husband's last name. Unless she made her name and functions professionally with that name. Then it's excusable, even reasonable.

But if it's a 23yo bitch outta college, gotta release that name!

7/12/2007 11:00:55 AM

i will take his, and i like the fact that it's different (liv). i will keep my current last name and drop my middle name, because a lot of ppl in the field in which i work know me as "tim oakley's daughter".

7/12/2007 11:04:01 AM

Quote :

"I think a woman is a bitch if she doesn't take the husband's last name. Unless she made her name and functions professionally with that name. Then it's excusable, even reasonable. But if it's a 23yo bitch outta college, gotta release that name!"

Some say you are a practising Christian. IF so, is that the Christian viewpoint on this, inclusive of the profanity?

And IF not, then still, is that how you view women?

Wow.

And what in the world does "made her name" mean anyway? That she has to be a high-flying doctor/lawyer/scientist/businesswoman/etc? So if she has some common lowly-for-you job, she is not worthy, and doesn't deserve respect and the right to keep her name? So teachers, secretaries, nurses, assistants, saleswomen, housewives, real mothers, etc, have to bow down to your manliness and you having "made your name"?

7/12/2007 11:08:25 AM

I would be offended.

7/12/2007 11:11:16 AM

Quote :

"I would be offended."

7/12/2007 11:13:10 AM

IMO the only time its ok would be if you married, for example, Jessica Alba...cause not only is she really hot but also there would be some career/recognition benefit of keeping her name

7/12/2007 11:14:51 AM

Even if a woman makes her name famous, why couldn't see be just as well known with her new name?

Do you magically lose your publications when you change your name?

To me, that says the woman thinks her work is more important than her husband.

Every female PhD's that I've known who got married would just list her name as her old name with the new last name on the end, i.e. Hillary Rodham Clinton. And I see no problem with that.

I'm not saying women have to change their name, but I don't see why some women feel they can't change their name, a little.

If my wife wouldn't have taken my name I would have been upset.

7/12/2007 11:17:01 AM

The hyphening is ridiculous and exponentially destructive.

If everyone uses hyphens, the next generation will have 4 last names, the grandkids will have 8, and the great grandkids will have 16 damn last names.

7/12/2007 11:20:30 AM

^ I agree with that, and really, what name the kids use is a separate issue from the wife taking her husband's name.

7/12/2007 11:21:57 AM

Quote :

"I had a SOC professor who married a chick like this. They felt it "degraded the female" to just take his name, so they settled on combining the two with a hyphen in between, like Jonna Brown-Smith. "

This is an okay idea if one spouse is a Brown and the other is a Smith, but what if one is a Ciesnolevicz and the other is a Schoenauer? And what happens when a Ciesnolevicz-Schoenauer decides to marry a Nogueira-Thirumalaianantha? By the way, all of these are real last names. I didn't make up any of these

7/12/2007 11:23:22 AM

Quote :

"Do you magically lose your publications when you change your name?"

ummm, well, yeah. basically.
searches or databases with your new name on publications wouldn't find results with your old name. And it's not reasonable to assume everybody in the world should keep up with both names or when you change them.

7/12/2007 11:23:28 AM

If a woman didn't want to take my last name (other than for professional reasons) I would view it as a red flag. In the "Oh, she's one of those" sense.

7/12/2007 11:30:59 AM

My wife never took my name...and in retrospect, I think it's a good thing, because we are now divorced. She was kinda wishy-washy about it, citing the fact that it was her grandfather's name and she was reluctant to part with it. And she'd never heard of dropping her middle name and keeping her maiden name as such.

Quote :

"I posted in another thread (I think) regarding this same subject how my friends (very granola) are planning on coming up with a new last name instead of hyphens or changing names or whatever. Granted they've almost been married a year and they haven't done so yet...but that was the original plan. Like I said, they're granola."

That's what the professor I had for ST370 did.

^Yep, in retrospect, big red flag. Among about six dozen others. Live and learn.

[Edited on July 12, 2007 at 11:36 AM. Reason : yepper]

7/12/2007 11:35:50 AM

^but theres still the "Jessica Alba Clause"

7/12/2007 11:36:22 AM

I'd rather she keep her name than hyphenate.

If I married a woman who kept her maiden name, I think I'd want our son(s) to have my last name and our daughter(s) can have her last name.

7/12/2007 11:40:43 AM

One of my closest friends' wife goes by her maiden name...and the big reason is that her career has been built around that; it's one of her defining elements in her field (weatherperson).

7/12/2007 11:41:32 AM

Quote :

"searches or databases with your new name on publications wouldn't find results with your old name. And it's not reasonable to assume everybody in the world should keep up with both names or when you change them. "

Yes, but if you were applying for a job or a grant, the company/agency would know you changed your name because you would have all your publications listed.

And If an author lists here name specifically as Hillary Rodham Clinton, you would know that you may also find her information under Hillary Rodham. That is why I said professional women usually list their name as old name with the new name on the end. That denotes that information may also be under the first two names.

I just don't get it. Am I missing something?

[Edited on July 12, 2007 at 11:48 AM. Reason : ]

7/12/2007 11:46:20 AM

Quote :

"If I married a woman who kept her maiden name, I think I'd want our son(s) to have my last name and our daughter(s) can have her last name. "

I think that would be even more confusing.

7/12/2007 11:51:18 AM

if it was important for her career to keep her name, i'd have no problem with it. but i'm not one to scrap tradition without good reason, and i expect for the most part for her to change. that said, odds are i will not end up with some girl who is the type of person who would keep her name.

7/12/2007 11:51:48 AM

Want confusing? Go to Iceland.

7/12/2007 11:51:55 AM

^explain?

7/12/2007 11:53:17 AM

the last name of the child changes depending on the sex of the kid.

[Edited on July 12, 2007 at 11:55 AM. Reason : -son or something]

7/12/2007 11:54:40 AM

considering the divorce rate, its almost stupid to change your name nowadays.

7/12/2007 11:55:21 AM

That's a great attitude.
"I'm not going to change my name because I'm expecting us to get divorced a few years from now."

Self-fulfilling prophecy wouldn't you say?

7/12/2007 11:59:25 AM

My sister's kind of a tomboy and her husband even jokes she was such a bitch they had to combine their last name

7/12/2007 12:04:31 PM

Quote :

"the last name of the child changes depending on the sex of the kid."

Bingo. Okay, most of you know my name is Daniel (or Dan for short).

If I had a daughter, her last name would be Danielsdottir.
If I had a son, his last name would be Danielsson.

7/12/2007 12:08:16 PM

Wax on.

7/12/2007 12:12:49 PM

nm

[Edited on July 12, 2007 at 12:15 PM. Reason : nm]

7/12/2007 12:14:43 PM

I don't think of people from Iceland being named Daniel, or anything pronouceable for that matter.

7/12/2007 12:15:57 PM

I don't see the point, personally. Then again, my wedding will be completely secular, the "ceremony" will just be us and our parents, and the "reception" will be a huge party after we get back from our honeymoon in Australia.

Basically, I don't do anything traditionally unless I see a reason. She's going to take my name, but only because she wants to. I don't care either way. In fact, she's a teacher, and it seems to me that it'd be easier for her if she didn't take my name.

I mean, for those of you who say it's offensive not to take it, why? Would you be willing to take your wife's name? What makes you so special that she has to take yours rather than vice versa?

Quote :

"i'm not one to scrap tradition without good reason"

I love this stuff. It's so interesting to me to see how some people see no point in following tradition without good reason while others see no reason to scrap it without good reason. Not that either is better - it's just really, really interesting.

[Edited on July 12, 2007 at 12:27 PM. Reason : .]

7/12/2007 12:22:01 PM

Quote :

"if it was important for her career to keep her name, i'd have no problem with it. but i'm not one to scrap tradition without good reason, and i expect for the most part for her to change. that said, odds are i will not end up with some girl who is the type of person who would keep her name."

My thoughts exactly. My wife took my last name.

That, my friends, is love.

7/12/2007 12:23:52 PM

Quote :

"Some say you are a practising Christian. IF so, is that the Christian viewpoint on this, inclusive of the profanity? And IF not, then still, is that how you view women? Wow. And what in the world does "made her name" mean anyway? That she has to be a high-flying doctor/lawyer/scientist/businesswoman/etc? So if she has some common lowly-for-you job, she is not worthy, and doesn't deserve respect and the right to keep her name? So teachers, secretaries, nurses, assistants, saleswomen, housewives, real mothers, etc, have to bow down to your manliness and you having "made your name"?"

ahahahhaha, wow, someone got their panties in a wad. Aww, poor baby, did your husband make you change your name????

[Edited on July 12, 2007 at 12:29 PM. Reason : .]

7/12/2007 12:28:53 PM

Some of you should take your wife's last name and save your current family name from future embarrassment.

7/12/2007 12:29:46 PM

So what if Danielson had a son then? Would the new son be Danielsonson? How does that work?

7/12/2007 12:31:38 PM

no, the last name is the parent's first name + son, not last name + son

7/12/2007 12:32:53 PM