I recently broke up with my girl friend of almost two years. At first i was devestated, but now (two weeks later) i think im doing OK. i felt that the best way for me to get over this would be to completely take her out of my life, i.e. no emails, no phone calls, no facebook messages, nothing. I could do this very easily seeing is shes going to school in charlotte, im here in raleigh, and its not like im constantly seeing her friends or family members.

I've been fine during the day, but it seems like every evening, around the time i would talk to her every day, i find it very hard not to try and contact her. I've been pretty good about this though, and havent picked up the phone to call her or email her or anything.

I've been going out alot more to bars and what not (almost every day since we broke up) to keep myself preoccupied and surrounding myself with my friends. But when we are out, its not like im trying to start anything with someone new. Although a new lay is waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy over due, i don't think that meaningless sex is what i need right now, although i would do it in a heartbeat.

I guess my question for you guys is: What kind of things does everyone do to keep themselves busy after a break up? In no way are we getting back together, and i don't think i would want to even if the situation came up. And also, after a break up, do you try and hook up with some one immediatly or just lick your wounds for awhile? I have a habit of throwing myself at the next woman i meet after a messy break up and havent been single for a long time.

I don't think i would mind being single, but at the same time i think some of my depression around the early evening of every day comes from the fact that now i don't have anyone to talk to or relate to like my ex.

My roommate and my friends have been able to tell that im handling this better than when we first broke up and i too feel that im doing alot better, and ready to get on with my life.

Any feedback would help

and oh yea, SHOW ME YOUR TITS.

2/6/2007 10:19:43 AM

hey look on the brightside. At least you don't have to spend an arm and a leg on vday.

2/6/2007 10:24:41 AM

haha no shit

[Edited on February 6, 2007 at 10:28 AM. Reason : no]

2/6/2007 10:25:36 AM

This is going to sound wierd but go on dates. The fastest way to get over someone is start to date again. Join dating sites (match.com or okcupid.com-free). Get out of the house and go have fun with a date.

Here's why. It gets your mind to accept it's over on that final level. You also start to notice things about the relationship that your love blinded you to and you will in the end realize that neither of you were truly happy. It's probably hard to see that now but you will.

Don't look for another gf. Look for dates. Explain you're looking to get out and have some fun, dinner, dancing whatever floats your boat. Me personally I like a good night at Charlie Goodnights etc. Go as friends. Don't go expecting to get laid or find "ms right". Go trying to have a good time as friends and see what comes from it.

My girlfriend now is amazing. I'm so glad my ex broke up with me you have no idea. I met her just doing what I'm telling you to do now. I wasn't looking for love I was just looking for someone who I could go out to dinner with, check out a movie, go to the park etc. Someone that met what I liked to do. Love just happens don't look for it. It'll find you that's for damn sure.

Good luck!

2/6/2007 10:28:40 AM

I suggest being & staying single for a while. I often look at someone's relationship past and if I notice that they rarely stay single for any real amount of time, it makes me think they can't be happy with themselves and rely on other people to make them that way.

You can't make anyone happy until you're happy with yourself....

As opposed to thinking of 6 million things to do, esp. drinking, maybe you should just handle the issues that make you feel that way in the first place, then you can get over it instead of doing other things that are just putting the real issue on the back burner.

2/6/2007 10:33:28 AM

Quote :

"I suggest being & staying single for a while"

2/6/2007 10:39:09 AM

this thread is new...

2/6/2007 10:39:19 AM

Quote :

"Love just happens don't look for it. It'll find you that's for damn sure. "

and

Quote :

"You can't make anyone happy until you're happy with yourself...."

Yes, exactly.

Try to find something new to do - a new hobby/sport/anything to keep you occupied. Rather than make the break-up the only change in your life, add new changes. Look at this as an opportunity to change yourself in areas you couldn't before. And the most important part - *enjoy* being single. It sucks at first but like QTPie said, you can't make anyone else happy until you can be on your own. Really get to know yourself and enjoy this time. It won't happen right off, but it's good for you.

2/6/2007 10:39:23 AM

join a gym.

2/6/2007 10:41:50 AM

Quote :

"This is going to sound wierd but go on dates. The fastest way to get over someone is start to date again. Join dating sites (match.com or okcupid.com-free). Get out of the house and go have fun with a date. Here's why. It gets your mind to accept it's over on that final level. You also start to notice things about the relationship that your love blinded you to and you will in the end realize that neither of you were truly happy. It's probably hard to see that now but you will. Don't look for another gf. Look for dates. Explain you're looking to get out and have some fun, dinner, dancing whatever floats your boat. Me personally I like a good night at Charlie Goodnights etc. Go as friends. Don't go expecting to get laid or find "ms right". Go trying to have a good time as friends and see what comes from it. "

Pretty bad advice if you ask me.

- To me, dates = dating. I don't take a girl out unless I want to date her on a consistent basis. At the most, ask girls out for drinks, but avoid dinners and events. And one date can easily turn into a relationship if you like the girl a little bit. Try and stay single for a little while.

- Going on more dates also equals more money. One thing I love about being single is not spending money on taking a girl out on the time. Save your money or spend it on yourself.

- Go get laid. It's cliche...but the best way to get over one girl is to bang one or two or three out with some girls you don't really want to date. Lets you know that there really are more fish in the sea.

Oh yeah...take up some new hobbies too. Workout, raquetball, etc.

2/6/2007 10:44:22 AM

ive thought about working out, ive done this before with a break up, and it seems to only last untill i get into another relationship >.<

also, this past week ive found myself a lot more attracted to my female friends than i thought i was, but im almost 100% sure that this is because im just trying to fill a void i have right now

2/6/2007 10:47:01 AM

Why'd you break up with her? I'm always curious to know what could happen that would end such a long relationship.

2/6/2007 10:54:41 AM

the long distance thing had major stress on the both of us

we would get into little fights, no big deal, but then they all built up into one big blow out

what it came down to was i kinda blew her off on the phone one night, i call her back an hour later to say i was sorry. she doesn't answer. 12 hours later when i can't get in touch with her, i decide to drive to charlotte and go to her dorm room (don't know what i was trying to prove). turns out she didn't stay the night there that night. when i finially get in touch with her, she turns the whole thing around on me and now im the bad guy. she stated that she was done with the relationship, that she was tired of trying to make it work, this was a total fucking surpise to me because i thought we had a solid relationship. we had made it through the first semester of being apart with no problem.

the night she "stayed out of her room" she said she was out with some girl friends, got high and passed out in their room. she hadn't given me any reason not to believe her, so i took her word. but i just couldn't comprehend why she wouldn't answer my phone calls, or even do that to someone she had been in a relationship with for almost two goddamn years

[Edited on February 6, 2007 at 11:04 AM. Reason : she said she "left her phone in the room"]

2/6/2007 11:02:36 AM

I suggest getting laid but don't get in a relationship again for a while. You'll probably be good to date people after you get laid and a little over a month or so after the breakup. Real relationships (that aren't gonna fall apart) will probably be formable after 2-3 months.

2/6/2007 11:04:54 AM

join a gym

just let time heal you up.

improve your life to a point where she was a damn fool for letting you go (whether or not she dumped you, or vice versa).

2/6/2007 11:07:15 AM

Quote :

"To me, dates = dating. I don't take a girl out unless I want to date her on a consistent basis. At the most, ask girls out for drinks, but avoid dinners and events. And one date can easily turn into a relationship if you like the girl a little bit."

Most of us are more casual about dates than that- dates are just to get to see if you like a person (and eventually, whether that's enough to seriously be in a relationship with him/her). They aren't some weird "if you go on a date with her, you're stuck for good!" thing. Goodness knows what kinds of dates you've been on if only one date ended up in a relationship.

That said, yeah Gimpy, stay alone for a while. I promise it'll help- don't go looking for random sex or serious relationships since somebody's bound to get hurt either way.

[Edited on February 6, 2007 at 11:08 AM. Reason : .]

2/6/2007 11:07:17 AM

saying your cell phone was left some place or that it didn't have service is almost as bad as canceling a date and saying that you have a headache. Really I wish if people are going to give a blatantly obvious lie as an excuse, have the guts to tell the truth.

2/6/2007 11:07:51 AM

go to the gym.

get ripped.

that'll take your mind off things.

2/6/2007 11:12:01 AM

Quote :

"Most of us are more casual about dates than that- dates are just to get to see if you like a person (and eventually, whether that's enough to seriously be in a relationship with him/her). They aren't some weird "if you go on a date with her, you're stuck for good!" thing. Goodness knows what kinds of dates you've been on if only one date ended up in a relationship."

You are more likely to end up in a relationship if you go out on a date or two than if you go out to parties and bars to drink and hook up. That's common sense.

I'm just saying that you don't end a long relationship and turn around and start asking girls out. And its probably different for girls and guys...but as a guy that usually that usually attempts to impress girls on dates...I'm not dropping money left and right to go out on a bunch of random dates.

2/6/2007 11:16:09 AM

Sucks to be you.

2/6/2007 11:17:36 AM

?topic=415095

graniteballs says thx to everyone that helped him when he was being a big fucking pussy - gg

2/6/2007 11:21:14 AM

<3 Omar

(no homo)

2/6/2007 11:22:00 AM

hahaha, gg.


I was waiting for someone to call that out.




And they were right. The faster you get out and date, the easier it'll be.

2/6/2007 11:24:25 AM

Go to the gym- you'll start to feel better about yourself and because of that your confidence when speaking to women will increse.

Don't get out and go on dates- If you do go out and go on a lot of dates you'll most likely become attracted to the first girl who displays a moderate amount of interest in you or has a hint of traits that you wished yoru ex had but she never did. this is bad for a few reasons. one is because your basically going for whatever will have you, and thus have a good chance of missing someone worthwhile that comes along as well as missing your time to just sit around and be you. secondly you could scare off someone who is interested in going out to see if they like you by coming off too strong. You've been in a relationship for a long time, and its okay to be single so just be single. You'll thank yourself later.

as far as you going out a lot, let me ask you this: do you successfully block her out of your mind then, or does she sneak into your thoughts once youre a few beers deep. If she is sneaking in there, then my advice would be to drink less as an activity with your friends and find other things to do with them so she won't even sneak in there.

about what you said in regards to finding your female friends more attractive, that does happen after break ups and a lot of it has to do with attaching yourself to qualities you wished your ex had but never did. This makes it seem like you're out looking for love, which is something that usually ends badly

you had a life before her, and you survived. Go back to doing whatever it was you did then, and if you can't remember what that was like then you definitely need to take some time off before getting involved with anyone.

2/6/2007 11:27:26 AM

Quote :

"about what you said in regards to finding your female friends more attractive"

Now that you're single, you're suddenly less attractive to them. Such is the man - woman paradox.

2/6/2007 11:29:57 AM

try catching back up with friends you've not seen/talked to in a while. I did that after a relationship ended, and it seemed to help me get back into the "single guy" mindset, as well as keep my mind off of the ended relationship

2/6/2007 11:31:14 AM

^agreed. going out and dating is bad, but meeting new people just to talk to and reconnecting with old friends is about ideal. post break up i started seeing friends from all over again, a lot of which were female. it made me feel much better and i remembered why i liked being single so much.

2/6/2007 11:34:17 AM

Quote :

"You are more likely to end up in a relationship if you go out on a date or two than if you go out to parties and bars to drink and hook up. That's common sense. I'm just saying that you don't end a long relationship and turn around and start asking girls out. And its probably different for girls and guys...but as a guy that usually that usually attempts to impress girls on dates...I'm not dropping money left and right to go out on a bunch of random dates."

Yeah, okay. But I'm not a slut, so I don't do that. I get to know people on dates instead, and then decide what I'd like to pursue (sometimes nothing).

No, I agree about the relationship part and I don't think he should be in one right now.

And I try to pay for whatever I do on dates, so that's a bad reason. Though I realize I'm probably in the minority on this.

[Edited on February 6, 2007 at 11:40 AM. Reason : .]

2/6/2007 11:36:15 AM

thats what im doing now, the whole time i was dating, i never went out when my roommate was going out. but now im going out and seeing friends i didn't hang out with while i was dating

this weekend was a blast although i spent an ass load of money

about the whole drinking thing, this weekend i was fine with getting tore up and not thinking about her, i mean of course i did, but it wasn't a depressed feeling, or anything like that

2/6/2007 11:37:40 AM

^^ i could just be old fashioned, but I don't consider it a date if i'm not paying for the girl. Actually, what you described only sounds like hanging out, not a date at all- no offense meant. I hang out with girls solo to see if i'm interested in them, and then if i am interested I ask them out on a 'date'. To me date means that i like you, and you probably like me so lets go out and see how things work because i want to show you what being in a relationship with me would be like. Using what I go by as a date the determining factor is i'm interested or not, but since you only go out to dates to see if you like someone what is your determining factor of whether you'll go out on a date with someone or not?

What does everyone here consider the determining factor that crosses the line from hanging out to date?


[Edited on February 6, 2007 at 11:44 AM. Reason : ^+1]

2/6/2007 11:42:29 AM

this happened to me last month except it was a 3.5 year relationship. Definitely get out there and do something to take your mind off of her. Sitting at home only makes you think about her and the relationship and you kinda start to blame yourself for everything. Ive started working out again (lost about 10lbs already) and have met some really cool people just by being more social.

Definitely take her out of your life completely. I deleted AIM, facebook, phone numbers, her friends phone numbers, just about everything related to her. Once you forget about her I think, dating is an option. Me, im waiting for a while, I enjoy being single again.

2/6/2007 11:43:40 AM

Quote :

"i could just be old fashioned, but I don't consider it a date if i'm not paying for the girl. Actually, what you described only sounds like hanging out, not a date at all- no offense meant. I hang out with girls solo to see if i'm interested in them, and then if i am interested I ask them out on a 'date'. To me date means that i like you, and you probably like me so lets go out and see how things work because i want to show you what being in a relationship with me would be like. Using what I go by as a date the determining factor is i'm interested or not, but since you only go out to dates to see if you like someone what is your determining factor of whether you'll go out on a date with someone or not? What does everyone here consider the determining factor that crosses the line from hanging out to date?"

Yeah, I'd say you're old fashioned. I think it's cruel to make a guy pay for stuff. There's no reason I shouldn't pay for the food I eat or the movie I watch. There isn't really a distinction between hanging out and a date for me- they're both two people doing something together. It's not a big deal.

Quote :

"but since you only go out to dates to see if you like someone what is your determining factor of whether you'll go out on a date with someone or not?"

It's not that simple. Why would you want to get to know anyone in the first place? You probably have similar general interests, etc. You know something about him/her before you ever go on any outing or not. There shouldn't be rules on why I would want to get to know people. People put too much pressure on these situations, and I admit I've said "no, I just want to be friends" after going on an outing with a guy when he assumed my acceptance to go out on the outing was a show of my sincere like for him. But the word "date" never got used, so I don't see how it should've been taken so seriously by either party.

There's no distinction of any sort between eating dinner with a guy while "hanging out" and eating dinner with a guy while on a "date" for me. You're still eating dinner together. If there's any difference, it's how nervous both of you are because you used the word "date" when you set it all up.

[Edited on February 6, 2007 at 11:55 AM. Reason : .]

2/6/2007 11:51:59 AM

if me and my girl break up the hardest part will be not seeing my little buddy.



[Edited on February 6, 2007 at 11:52 AM. Reason : .]

2/6/2007 11:52:43 AM

i was thinking about getting a cat or dog to aid in the healing process, but i don't know if i want to spend that much time with a new pet

2/6/2007 11:54:47 AM

after multiple breakups with the same guy, i finally ended a 2 yr off/on relationship.... keeping myself busy has been the best thing ever! i got a couple new jobs that i love, i got a puppy (i'm not saying go out and get a puppy just b/c you need something to keep you occupied, but i had wanted one for awhile, so i just did it... its nice having my pets around to make me feel better when i get lonely), and i've been super busy with school.... i want to be friends w/ the guy, but i'm not thinking about him anywhere near as much as i used to. my dog and cat REALLY help with all that... i also go out w/ my friends alot more.

in your case w/ the pet thing, find a good friend with a dog that will let you take the dog out for walks/spend time w/ it... you wouldn't have to get one yourself, but you could spend time w/ it, have fun, not think about your ex, and i'm sure your friend wouldn't mind some time off from walking the dog

good luck!

[Edited on February 6, 2007 at 12:03 PM. Reason : .]

2/6/2007 11:59:15 AM

just think about it like this

any girl that would send around pictures like thisS



isn't worth your time anyway

2/6/2007 12:01:38 PM

thats not her

a while back some guy uploaded all those pics of that girl and when everyone saw them he took them down

so i saved them anyway

2/6/2007 12:02:53 PM

he's not ready for that, yet.

2/6/2007 12:03:10 PM

StillFuchsia So for you there is no distinction unless the word date is explicitly mentioned and even then it only means that the event should be taken a little more seriously? Let me ask you this, if Gimp called you up today and said lets hang out and go get some dinner, you would consider that you two going on a date? I do appreciate you not making guys pay for everything, tahts really cool of you. I guess in some fucked up way I feel as if when I pay it provides a little clarity that i'm into this for more than just friendship. For me its summed up as friends hang out, and friends who are interested in one another go out on dates which means the rules are tweaked a little bit from just hanging out.

[Edited on February 6, 2007 at 12:04 PM. Reason : ^x7]

[Edited on February 6, 2007 at 12:04 PM. Reason : <3]

2/6/2007 12:03:15 PM

read this thread. the entire thing. http://www.thewolfweb.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=415095

seriously

read it.

then move on.

2/6/2007 12:03:47 PM

If you want an update, let me know via PM. I'm sure TWW is tired of hearing about that shit by now.

2/6/2007 12:07:31 PM

My approach to dating and getting over a previous relationship is quite different I guess. I personally needed to move on and found going out on dates to be fun. I did NOT go on them with the intention of meeting ms right which turned out to be awesome. We DID have fun and once we both got past the issue of "a date" and went with "going out and having fun" that's what it was. Laughing so hard cold stone ice cream comes out of your nose, heckling the comic at Charlie goodnights and instantly becoming a target of his rath (I told me a lot about my mom I never knew!), etc...

It was my path to find happiness with myself and realize who I was and what I truly wanted in a woman and pop, she appeared and asked ME on a date. Confidence in yourself, and your beliefs, strong values and a solid base are what most women want. They want someone who knows who they are so that they can focus on her and not figuring out themselves or what they want.

Once you know what you want... and I dont mean "5'4", DD's..." I'm talking personality wise. The best relationships that ever appear are those that are the best of friends. So I guess read this thread and decide what might be best path for you. The Gym never helped me.

2/6/2007 12:14:48 PM

I just want to point out how I was right

http://brentroad.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=457368&page=3#9870008

almost down to the timing

2/6/2007 12:17:24 PM

tis true

but im really not in the mood for the "i told you so speach"

2/6/2007 12:18:40 PM

put yourself in control of the situation

the only one that can make you miserable is you

until you realize that you won't get over it

it's not an easy thing to do but once you've mastered it you can never feel like you do now again

2/6/2007 12:22:01 PM

yea ive gotten to that point now where i know we aren't getting back together, and even if there was a chance i wouldn't

so even when i do think about it during the day and shit im cool with it and it doesn't bother me

but every day abour 6 or 7 no matter what im doing, if im out, eatting, doing school work or anything, i still get really depressed for about an hour then i get over it again

2/6/2007 12:23:55 PM

dude whatever you can't LIE to yourself

don't sit there and say that if she called you up and wanted to get back together you wouldn't, because you know you would

I hate to tell you but that fact will probably NEVER change

just accept it for what it is and move on

take control

2/6/2007 12:26:09 PM

it happens to us all, b. just make that your personal work out time and go running and then lift. you'll feel better shortly and you'll no longer associate that time of day with her.

i was actually curious if that other post I had remembered was posted by you as well Gimp. i know you might not want to hear this, but you shouldn't worry about it because obviously the girl is a bitch and you're better off without her. shes known what she has wanted to do for a while now and has been lying and keeping it from you, as is evident from her shady actions over the past few weeks. Thank your lucky stars that you're not with her and move on.

[Edited on February 6, 2007 at 12:33 PM. Reason : truth]

2/6/2007 12:26:50 PM

you should just rejoice in the fact that she probably has aids now and that you should go get tested

2/6/2007 1:03:38 PM

give me her phone number so her and I can hook up

you'll get over her pretty quickly when you realize that I screwed her brains out

2/6/2007 1:14:44 PM