What do Girls/Guys expect from a relationship (or lack of one) from a person who they hook up with on the first date or before they even go out on that first date?? When I say "hook up" I'm mainly referring to sex, but I guess you can lower the hook up level a little bit...but definitely more than making out.

Personally, even if I like the girl "like that", it usually lowers the chance of a relationship ever starting/continuing if we hook up before the first date. It's not that I lose respect for them, because it takes two to hook up, and I'm just as guilty as they are. I guess it just cheapens the relationship?? I can't really explain it. At the same time, if you just have "some" feelings for a person instead of "strong" feelings...sex can sometimes magnify those feelings into more than what they really are...which can create problems down the road.

I've found that girls don't always feel this way. I understand girls being upset, but in my opinion, they really shouldn't expect a guy to be serious about them when they put out that early (and vice versa). I know some guys might throw some hope out there for future relations, but I try and do a good job of making it clear that this isn't a long term thing.

I just know that if I actually want to date the girl, I'll go about it differently. If I want to hook up, I'll try and meet the girl at a bar or a party.

Anyways...what is everyone's opinions/experiences on this?? Personally my longest relationship occurred when we dated for a while before having sex. I had another one where sex happened REAL early in the relationship (not quite first date)...and although we didn't find out until 6 months down the road, we weren't as compatible as we once thought we were (and a healthy sex life hid that for a while).

12/8/2005 9:01:36 PM

Errm, I don't get the hooking up before dating thing. Are you referring to let's say: meeting at a party, going home together, then like a month later deciding to go on a date?

12/8/2005 9:02:56 PM

Yeah...I meant to put that in there...

It doesn't apply to randoms.

Let's say I know a girl pretty well from class or work (or it could somebody you've just been friends with for a long time). She might like me, I might like her. We hook up one night...and either or me or her wants to take it to a higher level...aka dating.

[Edited on December 8, 2005 at 9:07 PM. Reason : .]

12/8/2005 9:07:22 PM

If I could do one thing in life, I'd eliminate the phrase "hook up" from the collective mind of the world.

12/8/2005 9:09:09 PM

OH GOD I MUST SLEUEWTH OUT THE PHILOSOPHICAL RAMIFICATIONS OF HOOKING UP BEFORE THE FIRST DATE

MY VERY EXISTENTIAL EXISTENZE DEPENDS UPON THE KNOWLEDGE OF THIS GREAT MYSTERY

12/8/2005 9:10:55 PM

didn't read it

12/8/2005 9:21:30 PM

read it, not bothering to come up with a serious reply

12/8/2005 9:23:25 PM

It was either "hook up" or "bang".

I was trying to be mature....

12/8/2005 9:30:24 PM

i've seen 1st grade classrooms with more maturity than this place. maybe an internet message board is the wrong place to be philosophizing on this matter.

12/8/2005 9:39:01 PM

Quote :

"maybe an internet message board is the wrong place to be philosophizing on this matter."

ya think?

12/8/2005 9:53:27 PM

I'm not reading all that, but I made a drunken mistake one night (yes, the night we met) and that "mistake" has been my wonderful guy for over 2 years.

12/8/2005 9:59:27 PM

Quote :

"didn't read it"

haha what a dick

12/8/2005 10:01:16 PM

well, most of the time i don't want a relationship with her...i just want to lay her.

if i actually like a girl, i don't do her right off the bat.



actually, come to think of it, i've never slept with a girl i had any intention of keeping around. if i like them, everything goes to hell so quickly that i never get to have sex with them.

so i guess i might as well go ahead and get down on the first date either way.

12/8/2005 10:01:21 PM

Sex happens
Love happens
Don't confuse the two; enjoy both.

[/thread]

12/8/2005 10:04:19 PM

^ i just got super lucky and found both in one person

[Edited on December 8, 2005 at 10:07 PM. Reason : V he's one of your brothers ]

12/8/2005 10:06:13 PM

^^exactly

actually, now that i think about it some more, i had sex with one girl on the first date, and one girl on the 3rd date. the rest have been either before the first date or girls that i never went on any dates with.

so basically, i have to make sure i don't really spend any time with her until i have sex with her.


[Edited on December 8, 2005 at 10:10 PM. Reason : asdfasd]

[Edited on December 8, 2005 at 10:12 PM. Reason : asdfasdf]

[Edited on December 8, 2005 at 10:14 PM. Reason : ^yeah, i figured that must be who you were talking about]

12/8/2005 10:06:20 PM

Quote :

"I made a drunken mistake one night"

whore

slut

12/8/2005 10:23:13 PM

^^haha

12/8/2005 10:51:45 PM

Quote :

"It was either "hook up" or "bang". I was trying to be mature.... "

You could try, "have sex."

12/8/2005 11:36:29 PM

Personally, the girl shouldn't think anything of it unless you guys are like best friends and start having sex... because then you are intimate on a different sort of level... but if you just 'hook up' after a date... it's nothing.
if something happens later, that's great... but, if not, there shouldn't be any disapointment.

12/8/2005 11:44:17 PM

I once had a one night stand.... we exchanged numbers... we talked on the phone every day for like 2 weeks.... we started dating.... and it lasted almost 3 months. Long distance thing, but I can't help but think that the meet and have sex in less than 12 hours thing helped.

12/8/2005 11:47:55 PM

I wasn't expecting to get a 2+ year (so far) relationship out of that one night... my first thought the next morning was that i got drunk and had a one night stand... oh well can't go back now

can't dwell on mistakes... shit happens

And Excoriator can call me a whore or slut all he wants, words like that don't affect me like they do other girls

12/9/2005 12:12:22 AM

Quote :

" actually, now that i think about it some more, i had sex with one girl on the first date, and one girl on the 3rd date. the rest have been either before the first date or girls that i never went on any dates with. so basically, i have to make sure i don't really spend any time with her until i have sex with her."

Or if you look at it from another point of view... Sounds like you dont get very much after women get to know you...

12/9/2005 1:01:45 AM

more than i care to read

12/9/2005 1:09:51 AM

^^right. that's what i said.

Quote :

"so basically, i have to make sure i don't really spend any time with her until i have sex with her.""

it's not that i'm a bad guy...i think it's just that i'm exceptionally, overwhelmingly, overbearingly male. my degree is in mechanical engineering. i'm a Marine officer. i'm surrounded not only by dudes, but by military dudes...all day, every day.

i have female friends who think i'm great, but when it comes to romantic involvement, i have a pretty short shelf life. either she pisses me off and i ditch her, or i piss her off, causing her to act like a bitch in return, which causes me to ditch her.

oh well. everyone has a role, and if my piece of the pie is to have one night stands with girls younger than my little brother, well, i guess that's what i'll do.

12/9/2005 2:36:01 AM

haha you said "pie"

12/9/2005 7:41:01 AM

Quote :

"didn't read it"

12/9/2005 9:18:21 AM

^^^ ahah.

12/9/2005 9:39:16 AM

Hooking up with a girl has no percievable impact on my desire to have a relationship with a girl. I'm just as likely to marry her or not call her again as someone I merely had a conversation with.

Edit: Actually, after reading that it's obvious that that's a bunch of bullshit... If she puts out I'm much more likely to try to see her again, which therefore means there's a greater possibility of it developing into something serious.

I hate that guys discount girls after early sex. It means that you have to wait longer to hook up with the quality ones who are trying to avoid this trap.

[Edited on December 9, 2005 at 10:22 AM. Reason : .]

12/9/2005 10:11:37 AM

Quote :

"actually, come to think of it, i've never slept with a girl i had any intention of keeping around."

Dude, that fucking sucks... Seriously... If all you've had are short flings you're seriously missing out on one of the best things life has to offer. I would make a commitment to being as nice as possible to keep a girl around until you have the hang of it and then easing back into the role of being yourself. Or choose some other mechanism, whatever. Short term condom-sex with brainless sluts is not the worst fate I can invision... but it's not even worth leaving the house for more than once a week.

12/9/2005 10:19:24 AM

funny. the chick on my office is talking about how her and her now husband fucked on the 1st date. she doesn't think it's a bad thing and apparently it worked out for her as they are expecting their first kid after a year of marriage.

12/9/2005 10:21:35 AM

A guy who used to work with me passed nude photos of this lady he was fucking around the office. A few years later everyone is supposed to act like they never saw them because he married her and they run a company next door to us.

12/9/2005 10:24:10 AM

Amy's theory on sex:

I'm not going to buy a pair of shoes without trying them out first. Similarly, I'm not going to buy a car without test driving it. So why should sex be so much different for me? I mean, it would totally suck to date a guy for a couple months and then find out he's lousy in the sack

Call me a slut, etc. all you want, because I'm sure there are other guys and girls who will agree with me.

12/9/2005 11:13:56 AM

hey Amy, wanna have dinner tonight

12/9/2005 12:47:24 PM

I just don't get why people have to make some profound connection between sleeping with someone and having a relationship with someone.

It's stupid. If you want to fuck and not date, do it.

If you want to fuck and then become exclusive, do it.

All that matter is that both parties are on the same page. If not, then find someone who is.

12/9/2005 1:01:55 PM

^ Agreed.

In my case, my boyfriend and I technically "hooked up" before we were dating, but we had been friends for a looooong time without ever hooking up. So, basically, once we crossed that line, we started dating, and it's great.

12/9/2005 1:12:58 PM

I got drunk and passed out in this chick's tent on masonboro island one night.

5 years later she's still putting up with my drunken humping sessions

12/9/2005 1:14:49 PM

5x^... geez, that was my feeling about people who try to stay virgins until married but I suppose that works just fine here too...

12/10/2005 3:51:43 AM

12/10/2005 4:23:06 AM